Sunday, June 22, 2008

The epic battle of Good vs. Evil continues on

Once again, my innocent attempts at creating wholesome friendships bites me in the ass.

I am like anyone else--I seek out friendship and good company, yearning to surround myself with people who will nurture and respect a healthy, reciprocal relationship in which we support and encourage one another. I am a simple person with simple needs. And yet, I repeatedly find myself falling in with the dregs of society.

It all started with this stupid blog. If I've learned anything about blogging, it's that blogs are a magnet for creeps. Not enough creeps in your life? Start blogging! They'll flock to you in droves, creeps crawling out of the digital woodwork to infect your life and crap all over everything beautiful and peaceful in your world.

(If you read Karlababble.com often, you're wise to my...ahem...literary style, and you know that a paragraph like that last one is always a segue to a story involving Common Wombat. So let's get on with it, then.)

Wombat is someone I met through this blog. Heedlessly ignoring all the warnings in the media about meeting and befriending people on the internet, I welcomed this stranger into my life a couple of years ago. Since then, he has rained destruction and mayhem on my life, but my stubborn faith in the basic goodness of humanity has prevented me from casting him aside. I have continued to try to reach out to this mongrel and show him some human kindness that I think must have been lacking in his life for so long, making him into the savage he is.

It was in the spirit of friendship that I sent my supposed friend Wombat the following picture message from my cell phone one day as I was sitting at a stoplight:
It was just my friendly way of saying, "I'm thinking about you, friend." Tragically, it was met with a return text message from him that spewed some foul and decidedly UNfriendly words which I am too much of a lady to reprint here. I was shocked and wounded, naturally. How could a person be so cruel? But the attack didn't end there, oh no. Later he went so far as to email me this painfully unfriendly image along with the snippy title, "Twins?"Then, while I was still reeling from this betrayal, I got another email--this time from one of Wombat's vile henchmen. His surly little friend Paul joined in on the hurtful assault and sent me these humorless and hostile images:
Titled: Koko Dono

Titled: National Karlagraphic

Titled: Lee Harvey Karlswald

Titled: Moore Karla

This kind of unprovoked viciousness is not something I can easily understand. I know that ugly and terrible things happen every day in this world--it's just hard to understand when they happen to good people.

I'm sure the villainous Wombat and his malevolent friend Paul are sitting in their dungeon in Baltimore, cackling away at my pain. I can't begin to understand how they can derive joy from the suffering of others, but maybe that's a mystery I'll never be able to unravel. I'll just have to continue on with my simple life--doing charity work for the sick, helping the elderly cross the street, cooking food for the hungry, etc.--while the evildoers in the world continue on with the work of Satan. I refuse to let these attacks turn me into a bitter, fearful person. I still believe that goodness will triumph after all.

26 comments:

CommonWombat said...

Christ. Does Dyckerson still read this blog? You know you just handed him a month's worth of spank material.

The Malevolent Paul said...

Yay!

I was hoping those pics would show up on here. Oh, and I'm the one with the dungeon, not Wombat. Bwah haa haa HAAAAA.

But let's be honest here. When you share a pic as loverly as the one you took with your cell phone, you really are just begging for abuse. Don't play coy with me.

karla said...

Wombat: Dyckerson is no longer allowed on this blog. I have it configured so that whenever he tries to log on, he's hit with a spray of mace that emits from the F6 key on his computer's keyboard.

Paul: I'm getting your cell phone number. If I have to read the bathroom walls of every Texaco across the united states, I WILL get your number.

delmer said...

At least the guys were kind enough to not Photoshop spinach onto your teeth.

Paul (still Malevolent) said...

Oh and by the way, your post left out the titles:

In order of appearance:

"Koko Dono"

"National Karlagraphic"

"Lee Harvey Karlswald"

"Moore Karla"

karla said...

Good point, Malevolent. I will add those in. Wouldn't want a shred of your anti-Karla humor to go undocumented.

Lyvvie said...

I need to use my cell phone for more then anonymous 999 calls to rat out the fornicating teens in the woods near my house.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I see as more of a Linda McKarlatney than a Koko Dono

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jesus Christ, woman! Are you pregnant AGAIN???!!!

I would think by now you would...

...AAAHHHHH! MY EYES!!! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!

soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...

Those are good! I have a client I work with that has been doing this to me for months. He got into my Flickr, and it has not ended!!!

Antonio said...

I'm rolling over here. Does little Karla-head come out when your mouth opens?

Linds said...

Hehe, the Karla geographic one got a genuine giggle out of me. That's pretty cute.

Sassy Blondie said...

That could be my drivers license picture....

Benjamin Rubenstein said...

Glad to see you were wearing your seatbelt. Click it or ticket.

Johnny Virgil said...

the national karlagraphics one? That looks real.

Shaken Mama said...

Hahahahaahha. Now I have milk spraying out of my "uqtqts."

jill said...

Your blog make me laugh louder and more insanely than anyone else's blog. It's really weird and people look at me funny if they're in the room. That's okay.

I'm Poe Bicycle. said...

It's moments like this that I am truly in awe of the joy that the internet can produce. What is it about the Midwest that produces so many hilarious bloggers?

Sudiegirl said...

This is why I don't post many pics of myself on the internet. I have enough trouble with a straight face let alone making funny faces.

Krissyface said...

Karla, Goodness will not triumph. Not as long as there is Photoshop.

Ben said...

Lordy, you have lips like that alien in the Predator KB.

Well done scary lady.

Cheers.

p2 said...

One website sends the message you want with total anonymity
http://www.poopsenders.com/

Mollie B said...

I like your blog, I do I do I do.

trinity67 said...

Good lord woman - you ARE completely insane. And the bee's knees.

StaceyG said...

At least there's some sense of creativity involved...warped as it may be.

ida said...

Oh my! Oh my! Oh my, my, my, my!!..LMAO

So, I see that on my birthday this past year, you had a grand ol' time too blogging this epic beauty and posting those hysterical pics.

I have cramps in both my cheeks from laughing! It took awhile for the pics to download. I looked away for just a moment and when i looked back, it scared the bejesus out of me...Oh my, woman!