Wednesday, July 02, 2008

It's time to take out the trash...to make room for more trash

When I first started blogging in 2005, it was easy to get on my blogroll. All you had to do was ask, and you were in. Was the potential blogroll candidate funny? Didn't matter. Was the potential candidate friendly? Didn't matter. Interesting? Thought-provoking? In line with my political and moral views? Definitely not tied in any way to child porn or human trafficking? Didn't matter. If you asked, you were in. Heck, lots of times you didn't even have to ask--if I happened to notice you had put me on your blogroll, I'd put you on mine. I was easy; I'm ashamed to admit it. Eventually I had to put the brakes on the reckeless and wonton blogroll-padding because there were too many blogs linking to me for me to welcome them all onto my blogroll.

As time went by, I began reading more blogs and I found lots that were interesting, funny, thought-provoking and definitely not tied in any way to child porn or human trafficking, and I would have liked to add them to my blogroll...if not for the fact that it had long since become cumbersome and unweildy, fat with links to blogs I didn't even read or particularly wish to endorse. Not wanting to offend anyone by abruptly booting them off the list, I opted for the coward's solution: To wait for some them to die. I'd check the links every few months or so and be overjoyed upon discovering one that had become defunct or hadn't been updated since 1975. Then I was able to kick that link off the list and make room for someone new.

Clearly, the whole "system" was a piss-poor one. Not only is it sloppy, but it doesn't reflect my distinct personality, which is all about rejecting people, not accepting them. So it's time to start over. I'd like to make my blogroll a place filled with bloggers who fit at least one of the following criteria:

1) have a writing style that I admire and enjoy,
2) have stuck with me for a long time, continuing to read and comment here over the years,
3) lather me up frequently in my comments section with such complimentary phrases as "You are so hilarious!" "This post cracked me up!" and "I have depraved sexual fantasies about you night and day," and/or
4) can bribe me with cash, expensive liquor, or free weekly housecleaning.

So I am taking submissions now for those who want to be on my blogroll. Tell me how you fit the above criteria and provide a short paragraph stating why you feel you deserve one of these coveted spots. For extra bonus points, pick out a blog currently on my blogroll and tell me why you feel that blog should be dropped immediately, and the owner dismembered, diced into tiny pieces and fed to his/her own family members.

Vicious slander and profanity is, obviously, allowed.

39 comments:

Krissyface said...

I wanna be on your blogroll!
And you should drop Common Wombat. Because, what happened to him?

I know that's slanderous. But I'm vying for a spot. Come on...

ashley said...

Four words: baby in a dryer.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

YOU PREGNANT BABBLER!! I think it's clear who your favorite blogger is. You and I both started blogging in June 2005...and while yours has struggled to obtain mediocrity, The Mighty Blog has soared to stardom, charming and delighting audiences of all ages. Not only should The Mighty Blog be on your blogroll, it should be at the top!

But just in case there's any question, last night I had an erotic dream involving you, a paraplegic midget, and Common Dingbat dressed in a tutu.

delmer said...

This is a hard one.

I've no style, writing or otherwise.

I have been reading for a while. So that's something. (Since I was five or six, if I remember my Dick and Jane correctly.)

You are too young for me to have depraved sexual fantasies about. This oddity about me is well documented in my blog. (Thirty-six is my cut-off. Anything younger and I just feel dirty.)

And if you were to see my kitchen you'd beg me to spend my cleaning dollars on myself.

Still ... pick me!

CommonWombat said...

I think Krissyface is on to something. You should definitely drop Common Wombat. That dude hasn't posted in something like 2 years.

Also I hear he's kind of an asshole.

Shaken Mama said...

Do I have to justify my superiority to CW? That's low hanging fruit.

And I'm not going to come onto you or anything but every time I see you've got a new post, I'm like, "Schwing!"

And plus you owe me one for screwing up my kids' attitude toward poop.

Lyvvie said...

I'm with Ashley. I'm also seriously disappointed with your obvious sexism because you never put your daughter in the dryer! What are you trying to say - girls aren't able to cope with the dryer? Dryers are a male baby domain only?

Karla as a Feminist? Fail!

soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...

Okay, you have to keep me, because technically I own your son and have owned him since 2005. So if you want to continue "borrowing" him... you may need to stay in contact with me!

Sassy Blondie said...

I refuse to pander! I put you on my blogroll, so quid pro quo, Karla...

Antonio said...

You've been on my blogroll for well over a year. My writing style isn't that great, but I'm trying to improve.

My depraved sexual fantasies mostly involve you funneling pickle juice while clean up around the house. I also wear a butt plug.

You should drop Anonymous Coworker from your blog roll. He's quitting in six weeks anyway.

The Middle Lifer said...

Seeing as you have still NOT added me to your blogroll, I am taking it upon myself to Remove you from mine.

As if 9 months wasn't enough of a hint. I shall come out with my latest rant, Snotty Babblers, they have noe respect for MiddleLifer's!

Thank you and when you finally put me on your's, I'll put you back on mine.

Crazy MomCat said...

Long time reader, less frequent commenter here...

I come back again again for the cutdowns, lies, and exaggerations. Where else can I get that, but say at my next holiday family gathering?

Keep me. I have a little snark inside of me just waiting to come out. Besides, I smell better than Wombat...

StaceyG said...

You should put me on your blogroll because I need a place to belong.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I want to stay on your blogroll because I want to stay on your blogroll. You can kick everybody else off. (I hope that helps.)

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Fuck that shit. I got nothin.

Except I can clap my feet loudly. And everyone wants that kind of hot mess of talent on their blogroll.

p2 said...

I have only changed names but remain a loyal reader of this crap.

Before your blog I had no idea that crazed drug addicts could be so functional.

Oh, 1st baby in pot on stove.

http://thegreatmixexperiment.blogspot.com/

p2

kc said...

I don't have a blog. But as a fellow Texan and someone who has read (and peed over) your archives, I nominate 15 Minute Lunch for your blog roll, because 1) He's hilarious 2) He's cute 3) HIS blog roll is where I found YOUR blog to begin with.

CommonWombat said...

Oh, and by the way:

http://returnofwombat.blogspot.com/

anonymouscoworker said...

I agree with Antonio. Drop Anonymous Coworker. You can't spell "quit" without "Anonymous Coworker is a panty-waist bitch".

Johnny Virgil said...

Yeah! What KC said. And I didn't even have to ply her with expensive liquor to get her to say that.

Steph said...

Well I totally get the whole 'popularity is a blessing AND a curse' thing. I should definitely be on your blogroll because I'm just cool that way. Drop Wombat. That Yoko Ono picture was just wrong. ;)

Besides that, my word verification is mypubs. It's like God just knows.

Jessica said...

Why I Should Remain on Karla's Blogroll:

1) When I "asked" to be on your blogroll all those years ago, my question was, "Whose &#*@ do you have to suck to get on your blogroll, Karla....Wombats?!"

I was instantly added.

2) You once commented on a particularly sensitive post of mine that you loved me AND were kissing your computer screen.

Heck, that makes us practically married, Karla!

3) Helllooooo.....You need to drop Wombat - he's weighing us all down.

p2 said...

From here out I will addressing lady parts as "under-smile."

e.g. Wombat's smirk looks like an under-smile in that picture when he fails to shave.

Benjamin Rubenstein said...

If you put me on your blogroll I will return your kindness with sexual favors for anyone you wish, with the exception of Common Wombat. Besides, I had cancer twice before the age of 20 :)

(Playing the cancer card: check. Self promotion: check.)

Anonymous said...

I know this guy with a blog that you may want to add. He's a loser that masturbates daily with a banana peel while sitting on his urine-soaked carpet, typing barely comprehesible posts with his free hand.

Of course, if you keep Wombat on your list, feel free to ignore this - there's no sense in keeping two entries on your blogroll that are pretty much the same.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'd say you should put me in your blogroll, but I think you've only commented on my page two or three times in three years.

So, what I will do is comment about something on the last post. Whenever I'm butt-ass-nekid and spooning a girl like John Lennon is in that famous pic, I say, "Let's get in a Yoko postion here." They usually don't know what I'm talking about, and that's when I start planning my exit strategy.

Maven said...

1) Not sure if you read my blog or not--but some of my shit is quite funny.
2) I have had you on my blog roll for almost the entire time you have been blogging (I started blogging in 2004).
3) I'm not an asskisser; however I love your writing style, you make me laugh, and I will never quite look at pickle juice (or wombats, for that matter) the same way ever ever again. SRSLY.
4) I can bribe you with a Dunkin Donuts gift card.

kristie said...

just when i think i'm finally "in" on your elite club. just when my life FINALLY had some meaning...

So there's no sense pretending
My heart it's not mending

CHORUS
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without you

On my own I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you.......

Jack said...

I get paid quite a bit to be on a blogroll. You probably couldn't afford my rates.

HeyJoe said...

I just discovered your blog and came here simply because you said you were "hotter than those mutts" that were chosen to pose in Playboy's salute to the Olive Garden. I had to come see for myself.

OK, you're hot and funny and I will agree to have depraved sexual fantasies about you if you add me to your blogroll.

I am also funny and my writing is brilliant. I think you should delete your entire blogroll except for me. I'm working on my self-confidence and I feel that would help me immensely.

Humbly yours,
Joe

~Tim said...

1) I dunno
2) Long-time but erratic reader and less frequent commenter
3) I have depraved sexual fantasies about you night and day
4) The echeck is in the email

honeykbee said...

A, I'm still here so I deserve to be up there. Or over there. Whatever. And 2. I think you should keep CW and drop "Star Inside", because it's a more stupider name.

leesepea said...

You still read me?

You even updated my link!

*Swoon!*

Neptunebaby said...

I haven't been doing much of anything on my blog except pissing and moaning about my every day life - and not in any creative style either. But I have morning sickness and want to vomit every second of every day so I consider that a valid excuse for not dazzling my readers lately.

Honestly, I don't care who you drop off your roll as long as I get to stay. :)

BigDumbRedneck said...

Damn, you're hot!

Johnny Virgil said...

I'm still not seeing a link over there....

Mr. Poopie said...

And here I thought that our love for alcohol and intra-venous drug use would propel me into a secure future on your blog roll, but alas, it has not.

I can honestly admit that you might be a wittier writer than I, but I have been known to garnish a chuckle from time to time as well. And let's be frank, if all else fails, I could just give you a massage, or at the very least, help you chop every one else into little pieces. Brown people work wonders with a blade!

Sudiegirl said...

You should keep my blog on there because I have nice hair...and I worship you.

Ida Gonzalez said...

...lather me up frequently in my comments section with such complimentary phrases as "You are so hilarious!" "This post cracked me up!" and "I have depraved sexual fantasies about you night and day,"...YOU took the thoughts right out of my head...LOL