As those of you who insist on peeping in my windows already know, my sister and niece were recently here for a visit. I was a most hospitable and gracious host, the likes of which would put Martha Stewart to shame. (I mean, more shame than her recent prison stint, even.)
First, there was the welcome banner I made for their arrival. How many of you put out welcome banners for your guests? Not many, I'd guess. Which is a shame, because it's such a nice gesture, and really lets your guests know how you feel about having them over.
(Candypants is my nickname for my sister, and Brandypants is my niece, whose real name is Brandy. It's one of those things on the incredibly long list of things that's probably only funny to me.)
In my guest bathroom, I went to the trouble of displaying a framed photo of my dear sister, taken at bathtime. Well, technically, it's a picture of my son's body with my sister's head, but still, it's a very charming photo, and I get bonus points for the fact that it's a one-of-a-kind piece of art.
And for my final decorating touch, I put another photo of my sister in a place where I could be sure it would be seen and enjoyed every day. Candypants doesn't think this is such a great picture of herself, but I figured that wouldn't be a problem since most of the time it would be to her back, anyway.
And yes, this is the kind of movie star treatment you can expect to receive when you stay at Chez Karlababble. Plus, I'll allow you to get up with my son every morning and feed him while I sleep in, which is really a treat for my guests. All I ask is that you don't all email me at once with your requests to stay at my place; regrettably, I can't house all of you at the same time. One or two guests at a time, please, and be sure to send a photo of yourself ahead of time so I can decorate accordingly.
(By the way, I've missed you!)
33 comments:
Not as much as we missed you, Mrs. Karlababble.
:) Good to have you back.
You have been in rehab - where else would you have the time to make all these crafts???
You can't lie to us - we can see you twitching.
I printed off that picture of your sis from the toilet ... for the lining of my bird's cage.
He was moved also.
Get it? MOVED?
Yeah, that is pretty much why I am the funniest scientist ever.
ahhh yes we have missed you KB> what lovely treatment candy/brandy pants got ... lucky girls.
That's too funny. Is she going to kill you shen she sees this??
Funny stuff.
I missed you too. A little.
I love the welcome banner idea. I will be sure to steal that idea next time I have a visitor. I especially like the please don't steal anything part!
Like I have anything that anyone would want to steal anyway. That is great!
Thanks for the ideas, Carla. That's friggin awesome. You are my personal hero.
Can miss kendra and I visit at the same time??? Two birds, you know.
HAHAHA! Genius!
(They didn't steal anything did they? Because, if my welcoming banner said that, I would make a point to caper off with, I don't know, a magnet.)
Thank God your back.
You could have used the picture to make floaters in the toilet to help men keep their aim.
I thought my dad was the only person who liked to put photos on the underside of the toilet lid. (He prefers to use pics of Julia Roberts or other celebrities that he thinks are odd-looking.) Congratulations, you have something in common with my dad. It's a good thing... really... no, I swear!
Aw Karla, you're still just terrific!
Dykerson: I'm 14 years younger than my sister. But if my sister had had a blog 14 years ago, you would totally have blog-stalked her and said perverse things on her blog, too.
so glay your back..I've checked faithfully every day...please add me to your stalker list. LOL Glad you had a good visit with your sis and neice. stacie
KB, KB, that big brain of yours is alive and kicking IC.
Fucking hilarious.
Cheers.
Well it was indeed a good visit. So nice of you to paste pictures of family around your hovel as if they were always there. Yes, I'm sure candypants & brandypants will cherish those memories forever & even pass them on to the grand & great grand kids. Glad you are back from rehab.
That's quite an age gap, Ms. Babble! But you're the only one I want to stalk...hence the tent and sleeping bag behind that bush across the street from your house.
Hee hee heee....
The picture on the toilet was the best one. I'll have to remember that.
And we missed you too.
Good tips for when my sister comes back home for a visit.
Thanks for stopping by my site. Looked through your blog and I love your wit. The Dear Jackass letters are great!
I've always wondered what it would be like to stare at a picture of myself while I urinated . . .
(I thought I had a punchline here.)
Man do you HAVE to come visit me. Upon your arrival, I'm breaking out a blow-up doll with your face on it, getting a family sized bottle of mustard, and inviting over the horny mexican midgets from next door.
Wow, it'll be like I never left home.
And i thought I was your only stalker....
p.s. my word verification is epgboo...gotta love that one
glad to see the puke stains were cleaned from the commode.
The banner was the best. Now how would she have welcomed you? Do you share the same sense of humor?
Well, after much thoughtful deliberation all I can say is that I am glad Brandypants wasn't Brandonpants. Because if "his" aim was any thing like my boys he would have peed on his Mommy's face. EWWWWWW.
You are an excellent host and that just rocks! Would you be my new home decorator?
It's a peculiar thought, having you staring at your own bum while you use the loo....
Despite the serious look in her pictures, your sister much share your sense of humor, or she would know better than to visit you. Sadly, I'm not sure how much of my family would appreciate it if I decorated as you did, though I now find it tempting. Too bad my inlaws left on Tuesday after a week-long visit...
Holy hell Karla! No comment tops this. You would fit RIGHT IN with my family.
My aunt hides gnomes around the house...like in the shower when I go to use it.
The sad thing is both Candypants and myself miss your hospitality like crazy and wish we were back...!
Welcome back. Funny post.
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