Thursday, July 06, 2006

July 14 is "Cannibal Cow Day!"

Are you:

-Hungry?
-Desperate for attention?
-Utterly lacking in dignity or self-respect?
-Willing to do humiliate yourself for a handful of fast food?
-In possession of a full-body cow suit?

If you answered "yes" to the above questions, you're in luck! Because the Chick Fil-A fast food restaurant chain has come up with the most brilliant promotion known to man. Observe the ad below:Wait, wait--I know what you're thinking. It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? When you hear of something so wonderful, so unusual, and totally free, it's only natural to be suspicious. And yet! I assure you I did not Photoshop this ad or alter it in any way--it really is a true and valid promotion. Yes! You can schlep your retarded ass into a public restaurant wearing a full cow costume on July 14 and receive a free combo! That's...hell's bells...nearly four dollars worth of processed chicken!

Careful though, cowboy. Read the fine print. It has to be a full cow costume. Don't try to sneak by just wearing a cow's head mask, or half-ass it in only a set of hooves and a tail. If you want to reap the bounty of a whole combo meal--that's a sandwich or nuggets, fries and a drink--you have to be tricked out from head to tail in a full-body cow suit. Hopefully you've already got a couple of those hanging in your closet, but if not, you can probably buy a decent one for $80 or so.

At this point, the laziest among you may be thinking, "Um...shouldn't I just keep my $80 and use it to buy myself twenty combo meals over a period of weeks or months?" Harrumph. Frankly, you embarrass me and shame yourself with such uninspired thinking. Sure, it would be way simpler, cheaper and easier to skip the whole costume idea and just pay for your deep-fried fast food like anyone else, but in doing so, you'd miss out on the opportunity to make a total jackass out of yourself and look like a moron as you sit on a plastic chair in the local Chick Fil-A restaurant trying to ram a chicken nugget through the mouth hole of your filthy cow suit.

So hurry; time's a-wasting. July 14 is the big day, and since it's nowhere near Halloween, it's not going to be easy to find the required attire in the local stores. Your best bet is to order it on the internet and pay for expedited shipping, just to be safe.

Oh, and email me a photo of yourself with your yummy prize clutched triumphantly between your hooves. I want to savor the moment with you.

28 comments:

Aza said...

I actually own a full cow costume...but it's for boycotting, screwing with cow haters and Halloween purposes only. No exceptions.

The socially aware side of me says I should take it to the local homeless shelter and let them take turns getting free food. But then I couldn't use it to boycott because it'd smell yucky.

melissa.in.london said...

I know where a cow is that you could use as a costume...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You suppose they would notice if I tried to trick 'em with my goat outfit? Maybe I should rent the San Diego Chicken outfit....

Gecko Bloggle said...

I know a guy who sings in a HP Lovecraft band who owns a DEVIL-cow costume, does that count?

Maybe he can get hot wi-{WHACK!}

Ow! Stop hitting me!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

What's the big deal? I've got a closet full of cow costumes. Doesn't everybody??

Oh, and Ms. Babble...if you ever want to come over and milk me, my door is always open!

Blog-o-licious said...

moooo, that ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Nocturnal said...

Too bad they didn't require a jackass costume NINstead, I'd be good to go as-is if that were the case.

Have a nice weekend cowgurl, make that KB.

Cheers

Antonio said...

I think this an excellent idea. Best of all, contestants can invite children to play with their udders while their delicious food is being prepared. Everybody wins!

Caryn said...

Oh, my. At least a full costume means no one would be able to see who you are due to the cow head part of the cosutme...until you removed the thing to actually eat your bounty.

lil'bitty said...

Dress Jake up as a cow and get a free meal. Everyone would think it cute and you would also give him another brick in building his insanity plea for his future crime spree.

Lena said...

And I thought that cow costume Chris made me buy for the utters would have no further use but for the bedroom. My mistake!

I feel like chicken TONIGHT!

Lena said...

Or is it "udders"? Either way, dammit, those are some nipples.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Hmm...I plan to cash in by killing a cow and gutting it.

I don't do anything halfway.

Jodi said...

HMMMM...

that's all.

Paige said...

Man, I'm glad I missed this one.

Lee said...

This intrigues me for several reasons...

While the main white and black spotted leaotard will be hard to locate, I still have the giant pink udder I used once in sketch comedy show - and the udder, as we all know, is the hardest part of the costume.

And... July 14th is my birthday.

Too bad this is a U.S. only thing or I might have just gone for it.

$4 is $4, yo.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

As a member of the marketing industry, I'm beginning to think we've pretty much run out of ideas.

CommonWombat said...

Does dressing up as you count?

ZING! I kill me.

Malnurtured Snay said...

How much $$$ did they give you to pimp their place? I want to know so I can pimp my blog for $$$. Sellout!

Amanda said...

that is how i want to spend my birthday, with a gullet full of processed bird. yay! i was born on official eat a chicken day or whatever...

haha

It's Me, Maven... said...

See, I'd go along with the cow costume, with one proviso... it's a costume where it's got all the different cuts of meat indicated by little dashes/cut lines, or perhaps have faux steaks or burgers affixed thereto.

Kiki said...

Oh how I miss Chick Filet. Yummy

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

nqsakaMmmmmmmmm... Cow!

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

That was just supposed to be simply, "Mmmmmmmmm Cow!"

Damn key board.

Needtsza said...

Because you have hooked me up with a free lunch, you may steal that picture ;)
http://shoot-this.blogspot.com/2006/06/blog-post_07.html

Thanks for visiting. and thanks for reminding me to visit your blog =)

Needtsza said...

but how about you add my real blog to your blogroll?

Needtsza.blogspot.com

I'm a comment whore :) and you reminded me to add you

psquared said...

Brian likes Amanda. So do I.

Needtsza said...

woo hoo!!! chicken!!!

woo hoo!!! blog roll!!!