Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Shit-Kicker Channel redeems itself

I never thought I'd have any reason to tune in to CMT, Country Music Television, but times have changed. So fearful was I, in fact, that I might inadvertently tune in for a millisecond, that I went into my TV settings and "hid" that channel so that it wouldn't even appear in my on-screen guide. But recently I've had to unhide it so that I can watch the following shows:

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making The Team

Superhot 19-year-olds in teeny-weeny shorts bounce up and down for 30 minutes, with commercial breaks. Sometimes they cry because bouncing up and down is so stressful. Their trainer, Jay, works tirelessly to find workouts they can do which require them to bend over.


I Want To Look Like A Highschool Cheerleader Again

The hot, popular girls from high school who went out of their way every day to let you know how repulsed they were at the thought of even speaking to you have morphed into dumpy yentas who would blow you behind the dumpster at the local McDonald's just to get a couple of minutes of male attention. Watch them exercise and starve themselves in a frenzied attempt to grab a last year or two of possible attractiveness before menopause sets in. Their trainer, Jay, is the same trainer who works with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader rookie candidates in the above mentioned show. Strangely, he doesn't seem to think the workouts which include gratuitous bending over would benefit these girls quite as much.

Thank you, CMT, for giving me two more reasons to get out of bed in the mornings. And thank you, Jay. You know why.

19 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

YOU CRAZY BABBLER!!! I was blown by a cheerleader in a McDonald's once. I spewed my special sauce all over her pom poms.

Stacie said...

my husband watches that dallas cheerleader crap religiously. *rolls eyes* I really find it all so mundane....
Where's the originality in television these days. all this "reality" crap is anything but. I'll stick with TVLand and Leave it to Beaver repeats..
Stacie

Antonio said...

I want to see the show where they follow around all the jocks who thought they were hot shit in high school that are overweight, alcoholic losers in dead-end jobs now. Then they can laugh at the cheerleaders who married these chumps instead of dating the awkward nerds who actually made something of themselves.

Patti said...

This needs to be required viewing for all highschool snobs. I liked the fatties so much that I opened two windows so I could view them side-by-side which literally tripled my viewing pleasure. No lie.

I have one question though, do they have to take their highschool hair back with their highschool body because if so....DAYUM!

The Middle Lifer said...

Ooh Baby, you have given me a reason to watch that channel too. Thanks for the heads up and the bending over exercise info, the only reason to watch of course...

Valerie said...

I watch CMT for Keith Urban. Hubba hubba.

George said...

I am like you and hid CMT along with a bunch of other crap that I don't even want to know exists. You say it's good enough to get the channel out of the closet?

Plexus said...

You're making me glad I don't have cable. As for the second pic in your blog, whoever recommended to the lady that wearing a sports bra and nothing else was a good idea really should be bludgeoned with a large meat product by a rabid ostrogoth...who has a splinter in his foot.

~Tim said...

I must be going to the wrong local McDonald's.

Sassy Blondie said...

I too have watched the old bitches get their come uppance on CMT! Funny that Jay isn't as jazzed about their cracks!

Jenni said...

Oooo...This could be a close second to my first obsession with "The Biggest Loser."

I love watching unhealthy people turn their lives around.

It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Paige said...

Ah and what about Tyra's America's Next Top Model.
On tonight I might add.
Missed ya at the fair a couple of weeks ago. Hey that crazy lady in the candy tent wasn't a realtive, I hope.

BUMBLE!!! said...

The best thing that you can say about those shows is that they're not anything to do with A) Flavor Flav OR B) New York, who seems to be the only thing on VH1 this week.

That they spawned each other and Stallone's X is bad enough, but that they've given Bret Michaels a comeback attempt just says... please... can we watch something with less trailer trash vying for the attention of scumbag men and women.

I'd make the same comment about that MTV woman who is willing to date anyone, but I don't know her name and even if I did, I'd have no idea why she's on TV.

marky said...

ooooo...i watched this cheerleader show for the first time tonight. i like the babes in panties. what's it about?

re your comment about 'old lady crotch smell' somewhere else. it's hard to believe a pretty lady such as yourself pees in her purse. interesting. does that ruin those white paper tube things you all carry you crazy babbler?

AMM said...

Just wanted to aprise you of this most recent decision out of WV for your "Rednecks Blog"...I guess their days aren't so numbered in that state - maybe they should all be sent there, kind of like an Alcatrez for Rednecks with the Mason Dixon Line blocking their escape!

"How hot is the sausage gravy at Bob Evans? $5,000 worth of hot, says wrist-burned West Virginian [W.V. Record]"

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think being a Dallas Cheerleader would be too much work (for you; give it up).

Nocturnal said...

I tried tuning into CMT once, but comcast blocked it with a message stating that I went to college; therefore I was SOL.

Cheers

Chebbles' Mama said...

Remind me to tell you the (true) story about the Chargers cheerleader whose boob fell off during practice.

Or maybe that was you?

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