Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Partially nude and totally hot--it's why the terrorists hate us.

I understand a lot about people. For instance, I know that 90% of you keep dragging yourselves out of bed each day, day after day, for one reason and one reason only--the desperate hope that, before the day ends, you'll come into come in contact, in some way, with boobs (for the other 10% of us, just replace that last "bs" with "ze).

I know what makes you tick.

Which is why I'm pleased to provide you with a link, and an errand, that I feel confident will make your drab, sad life a little brighter.

My friend Kendra is super hot. Big deal, you may be saying--lots of girls are hot. But Kendra has a special, extra quality that not all hot girls have--she's willing to get on stage and shake it. She performs in burlesque shows...which is just plain hot, not matter how you slice it. Well, it's hot if you happen to look like Kendra. If you look like you, don't even consider it.

She has entered something called the Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Burlesque Competition, in which only the six entrants who get the most online votes will get the chance to actually compete. Thank God for me, then! Because, thanks to Karlababble.com, I have access to thousands and thousands (okay, pairs and pair) of stalkers, creeps and unemployed weirdos who, while they may lack the refinement and class to appreciate Kendra's amazing talent in burlesque dancing, will nonetheless do absolutely anything asked of them in the name of partial nudity.

So please, go one and all to this site and vote for Kendra. She's the 10th one down on the left, Dizzy Von Damn. It's one vote per IP address, so if you have more than one computer, or can break into more than one house with a computer, feel free to vote as many times as you're able. You can also check her out on Myspace.

Then you can get back to carving up squirrels and arranging the body parts into your ex-girlfriend's name on the lawn. I don't want to take up your whole day.

16 comments:

Effortlessly Average said...

And what about the percentage of us whose biggest wish is to find a pair of knockers filled with vodka? That's right, I said it: Vodka Knockers. Maybe that's why I like coming here: you're the closest thing I've found to a women with actual Vodka Knockers.

Edge said...

You mean you don't have a few pics holed up hubby took of you with the Polaroid in the bedroom?

~Jef

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You shamelessly plugging babbler!!! Before I can vote with confidence, I'll need Kendra to come over and demonstrate her skills for me in my boudoir. And I will need to videotape the festivities for YouTube.

Hale McKay said...

As you requested - Kendra (Dizzy Von Damn) got my vote. I had the misfortune to have enlarged a few of the others - they were nasty! (Not her.)

I hope you have a great New Year. I won't say the same for Christmas - as I read your previous post.

Hale McKay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Plexus said...

That has to be one of the most uniquely truthful online-voting plug I've seen. But then again, I don't live on my computer all of the time, I get out from time to time.

But what is a burlap show? I have to plead ignorance as I've stepped into a nuddie bar twice in my life; once for bachelor party, second time with my estranged wife.

miss kendra said...

mighty dyckerson-

you want youtube?

you got it.

Nocturnal said...

Blogwhoring for female hotties, you show promise KB.

Cheers

CommonWombat said...

Kendra gets the Wombat vote. But not because you said so. In fact, I had to weigh my love for Kendra against my pathological need to oppose you at every step you take. It was a close call. in the end I decided to go ahead and vote for Kendra and to make up for it by mailing you a box of my feces that I've been collecting since October. According to FedEx it should be arriving...

Wait...

Wait...

Wait...

There you go. Answer your door.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Kendra - Holy fucking shit! You're getting two votes: One from me and one from my penis!

Wombat - It would have been more appropriate to send your feces via UPS. (What can "brown" do for you?)

marky said...

She's cute, and she knows how to twirl her knockers. Not a fan of the tatoos.

La Boom said...

Done...just for my Beav :)

trinity67 said...

I tried to vote many times but it would only let me vote once.

Jessica said...

Kendra is super hot...and I voted for her. But too bad her blog is set to invite only. I guess she knows your blog reading population is full of freaks.

TexasGal said...

i voted and now i'm depressed! i'd give anything to have 1/2 the bod.

Wirthy said...

There are places I go that serve both booze and boobs. I do love those places