Through extensive, state-of-the-art studies, Karlababble Research Labs, Inc. has discovered that the vast majority of my readers are computer nerds (88.4%) and/or dirty rotten thieves (97.8%). Research also indicates that a disturbing number of you are in the advanced stages of syphilis (73%), but that's your own personal business (and that of the street bums and siblings you've passed it on to). What I'm interested in right now is the nerd/thief factor.
Do any of you know how to get around the copyright protection on a videotape? Yes, I said videotape. Remember those? From back in the '80s? That used to be your main vehicle for pornography before DVDs, web cams and spying on your mom in the shower were invented. I never thought I'd find a need to watch another of those ancient relics again, but a need has indeed arisen, and since I don't even own a VCR, I have to first get my mother-in-law to copy the VHS tape to DVD.
Don't worry, it's not pornography--I wouldn't ask my mother-in-law to copy porno for me. It's a workout video for a class I have to teach at my gym. Did you know I'm a fitness instructor? No? That's because I didn't bother to tell you, since research indicates that only .004% of you have ever seen the inside of a gym unless you were loaded on mushrooms and wandered into one upon mistaking it for a sex shop.
Either way, I'm calling upon you to help me figure out how to get around the copyright protection on this videotape so we can burn it to DVD. After a lifetime spent wreaking havoc and causing misery, you finally get a chance to do something useful.