Monday, March 12, 2007

Calling all geeks and thieves

Through extensive, state-of-the-art studies, Karlababble Research Labs, Inc. has discovered that the vast majority of my readers are computer nerds (88.4%) and/or dirty rotten thieves (97.8%). Research also indicates that a disturbing number of you are in the advanced stages of syphilis (73%), but that's your own personal business (and that of the street bums and siblings you've passed it on to). What I'm interested in right now is the nerd/thief factor.

Do any of you know how to get around the copyright protection on a videotape? Yes, I said videotape. Remember those? From back in the '80s? That used to be your main vehicle for pornography before DVDs, web cams and spying on your mom in the shower were invented. I never thought I'd find a need to watch another of those ancient relics again, but a need has indeed arisen, and since I don't even own a VCR, I have to first get my mother-in-law to copy the VHS tape to DVD.

Don't worry, it's not pornography--I wouldn't ask my mother-in-law to copy porno for me. It's a workout video for a class I have to teach at my gym. Did you know I'm a fitness instructor? No? That's because I didn't bother to tell you, since research indicates that only .004% of you have ever seen the inside of a gym unless you were loaded on mushrooms and wandered into one upon mistaking it for a sex shop.

Either way, I'm calling upon you to help me figure out how to get around the copyright protection on this videotape so we can burn it to DVD. After a lifetime spent wreaking havoc and causing misery, you finally get a chance to do something useful.

27 comments:

fatwonkkid said...

you could use a pay service.

If you have a video capture card on your computer you could do it that way...

If you had a modern camcorder you might be able to transcode it from your VCR to the camcorder. Then you can digitally extract the video off the camcorder onto a computer (using firewire).

Once you have the raw video you can use any popular dvd burning tool to make a dvd.

Gucci Muse said...

If you are really interested on the topic, you can start here for basic foundation on fair use:

www3.babson.edu/library/research/copyright_videodvd.cfm

Vitra77 said...

Don't you put a piece of tape over the lock thingy? Or did that only work on the music tapes where you're trying to tape your favorite song off the radio in the 80's because you were too poor to buy the stupid thing in the record store (yes, I said record store) so you grabbed your old Lyle Lovitt single that you over-played and were sick of, slap a piece of tape on that baby and the your good to go! Or maybe that was just me... Does that work for VHS?

mist1 said...

Just when we were getting along so well, you have to go and mention that you like fitness.

For the record, I have a few fitness dance DVDs. I close the blinds and shake it like a Polaroid picture. Then, I sit down and have a glass of wine.

I am waiting for my metabolism to catch up with me. In the meantime, I pretend to like fitness too.

PS: What's a videotape? Do you use an abacus also?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You crazy babbler!!

I joined a gym, and you didn't tell me you were a fitness instructor?! You can be my personal trainer!!

(BTW, I'm only in the early stages of syphilis.)

Chebbles' Mama said...

I'm with Vitra -- the piece of tape over the lock mechanism should do the trick, yes? Or am I an old biddy, pathetically spouting knowledge about technologies of the past in a feeble effort to belong to SOME era?

b said...

I think you've mentioned something about being a fitness professional before, no?

and yea. the piece of tape of the lock on a video tape will totally work. I used to do it all the time........thank you blockbuster

Johnny Virgil said...

putting tape on the thingy will only allow you to record over it, it won't bypass the copy protection. Most VHS tapes use something called macrovision protection, which will cause light and dark banding if you try to copy them. The way around it is with a little box they sell at Best Buy or Circuit City that strips the macrovison from the signal. Like this one:

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=6296572&st=godvd&type=product&id=1074788270290

They call them "signal enhancers" or something to get around johnny law. Then you are still left with the copying aspect of it. You could, as someone else mentioned, copy it to your PC if you have a capture card. What I'd do is go to Target and buy a $25 dollar VCR.

Edge said...

Yes, I know how to get around the VCR thing. I even have the equipment to do it if you want it copied over. It takes a couple of days. It's up to you and I'm local to you.

~Jef

Sarita said...

Since when do you care about legalities?!

miss kendra said...

you're an instructor?

i bet your first lesson is how to shut the hell up and amuse yourselves while teacher makes martinis.

Karl said...

I'm pretty sure you just place the VHS tape on top of the DVD player and put a DVD that you don't really like in the player at the same time. Then the DVD is automatically overwritten with the ancient VHS codes.

karen! said...

I have a yoga video that I bought myself one Christmas about 3 years ago, and it's still in the plastic wrap! Shame on me!
That tape over the thing only works if you want to tape OVER the video. I will ask my hubby, he knows everything.

Flounder said...

Fitness instructor, eh?

I bet you got a perty rack on you.

MMhuh.

Crunchy BC said...

I see. You're the kind of "instructor" that plays videotapes and then passes out worksheets to the class while drinking Wild Turkey from a coffee cup.

Did you used to teach biology at T.W. Harvey High School?

Jessica said...

Oh, Karla...I can't decide what I love more - you, this post or the hysterical label you gave it. I'm swooning.

tfg said...

Shroom-ercising. Once again, you are a genius.

puerileuwaite said...

I'll tell you, but first you have to let me bind YOU in tape and film the "transfer process". The we'll convert to DVD together, and commemerate the experience with custom labeling.

Ramblings from an Old Woman that lived in a shoe. said...

Since you are an instructor, maybe you can help me out because I am doing something wrong. I think I have every excercise tape ever made and yet I have a fat ass. I play them all the time. I play them while mixing and drinking my bloody mary, while eating my bon bons, while I take my afternoon nap and nothing is helping. Can you suggest a better DVD or Tape than what I have already purchased?

Brian said...

It's been awhile since I commented, but this is crazy... We have a perfectly good VCR hooked up in our bedroom (right above the stack of workout DVDs).

So, I don't know why Karlababble Research Labs didn't interrogate me before posting this :)

karla said...

Brian:

Hmmm. Right in my own bedroom, you say? This is an intriguing development, indeed. I shall immediately fire the entire staff of Karlababble Labs, Inc., and replace them with English-speaking employees. That's the last time I hire illegal immigrants to save a few bucks.

Nocturnal said...

LOL @Brian. I too have a VHS player hooked up but have no fucking clue if it works. That last time I checked, it's serving perfectly as a dust magnet.

If your guy's player takes a shit lemme know and I'll send it over for a charge of a 12-pack of Michelob beer payed in full of course.

Cheers

andy said...

Carla, the 'Video Update' at 104th and Kedzie is advertising transferring at a special rate. you know, the place by the seedy 24-hour massage place? Oh wait, you don't live in Chicago. You could've had a happy ending twice.

Antonio said...

I'll have you know I just came from the gym thank you very much. And they were out of vibrating dildos. Bastards.

So Brian is your hubby, right? You guys look disturbingly similar in that photo...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think the answer is somewhere on your slide rule. You can thank me later.

Lux Lisbon said...

I think you're screwed.

honeykbee said...

The hell is a VHS?

Is that like a CVS?