I know you think I'm neglecting you because I haven't posted in awhile. Now, don't jump to any hasty conclusions--I'm not in rehab. I'm not at the Mayo clinic for advanced STD testing. I have not violated my probation. I haven't hiding from the local bookie. Rather, my sister from Alaska is here for a visit.
This is the sister I refer to as Candypants. There is nothing in this world I love more than my sister. Well, except for my son. And maybe my husband. And nacho cheese Doritos. And a good long nap. And tiny little Bulldog puppies. And the letter Q. But aside from those few things, (and several dozen others), I love her more than anything. So my full attention must be devoted to her during her visit. This means I don't have much time for blogging. Depending on your outlook, this may be a blessing or a curse.
The thing I love second most in this world (I mean, after my son and my husband and nacho cheese Doritos and long naps and Bulldog puppies and the letter Q and the other unnamed things) is my niece, who is also here for a visit. So between the lovable sister and the lovable niece, I have plenty of activity in my household to prevent me from blogging.
Use this time wisely, won't you? People tend to spend too much time surfing the 'net, which erodes the brain and dulls the senses (particularly on this site). You need a break from this mind-numbing silliness, don't you? Take this opportunity to learn a new skill, experience a new adventure.
Can't think of any new adventures to expand your horizons? Choose from this handy list. You could:
-Take up knife throwing.
-Sell your fresh, un-tainted urine specimens to junkies on probation. (This option is only possible for the handful of my readers who actually have untainted urine.)
-Sleep with a relative.
-Become a pole vaulter.
-Finally kick heroin once and for all.
The possibilities are endless. By the time I write my next post, you could be a whole new, more exciting, more interesting, more adventurous you! And I think we can all agree that the old you was pretty dull. So please, take this opportunity to enlarge your brain, expand your mind, without the interference of the brain-shrinking material this site is known for.
And don't worry, I'll be back very soon to destroy whatever progress you've made.