Sunday, February 25, 2007

The well is dry.

I can't think of a single thing to write about. The drugs and alcohol of my kindergarten-through-second-grade years have finally caught up with me, apparently, and my brain is as empty as the front of Common Wombat's pants. (The back of his pants is plenty full, as his neighbors and wife keep lamenting, but obviously his sense of smell died along with his last scrap of dignity.)

Either way, I have searched this brain of mine and find it utterly barren and desolate. I can't think of a single thing to blog about. Got any suggestions? Trust me, I can take any topic and run with it--the problem is that I can't think of any topics myself today.

So g'head, give me one. I'll write about the topic of your choice, no matter how ridiculous and stupid it may be...and I'm pretty sure your suggestions are going to be ridiculous and stupid. That is, after all, why you keep coming back here time after time; the ridiculous and stupid are right up your alley.

32 comments:

Gucci Muse said...

Hmm, perhaps the following will open up the flood gates for you:

toe jam

people who chew on their toe nails-adult chewers please

people who pick their nose and eat what they find

mistakenly pulling out your pubic hair when you zip up your jeans and you thought not wearing underwear was worth it all

people who fart during sexual intercourse.

How's them apples?

Gucci Muse said...

Sorry, this damned blog commentary posted twice on me-that was the deletion.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

What an amateur. I am never at a loss for topics. In fact, my fans will be comforted to know I have enough topics to keep me blogging well into the next decade! Here are a few topics for you to run with:

- The Many Venereal Diseases I Have Transmitted

- The Musical Brilliance Of Mr. Donald Henley

- How Mighty Dyckerson Has Changed My Life

- Why I Am A Disappointment To My Family

vitra77 said...

Tell us more about your roommates from way back when, you know, the ones that would break into your sanctuary that was your room and crab-laden sex whilst microwaving cockroaches? Those are good times!

honeykbee said...

Top ten things you'd rather be doing right now and/or top ten least favorite aromas.

CommonWombat said...

After taking yet another public shot at me, I think you need to write a lengthy essay detailing how awesome I am.

Be thorough. There's a lot of awesomeness here for you to document.

andy said...

How about a nice novella in which Don Henley gets shanked by his prison bitch. Just for MD.

Also, I'd love to hear about when you were a roadie for A8BA.

It's Me, Maven... said...

How about this as a topic...

WHERE

IN

THE

HELL

IS

WOMBAT??

It's Me, Maven... said...

How about...

"Possible Ideas: Why Wombat Hasn't Updated His Blog"

anonymouscoworker said...

You, Dyckerson, and Wombat are the last people on Earth. Do you make them fight in order to decide which one you repopulate the Earth with?

Johnny Virgil said...

write about how to tell someone of the opposite sex that they stink. I could use that info in my current work sitch.

Anonymous said...

My suggestion would be why do people watch award shows? Who thinks their important and how can they possibly think of ten more award shows to bore the pants off of us next year and what themes would those shows be?

Catnip

Anonymous said...

Mr Virgil,
you walk into their cube/office, talk for a minute, then wildly look around and ask if their trash has been taken our recently because something smells "off".

tfg said...

You should write about how my crotch is the crowning achievement of human existence. I'm getting kind of tired of writing about it, so it would be nice to have someone pick up the slack.

tfg said...

PS: And the well may have run dry, but I'm sure it's still plenty wide and deep.

Chebbles' Mama said...

My friend K's husband has no sense of smell. The doctors said they might be able to restore it, at least for his own safety (gas leaks, burning pans, etc.), but K. is resisting the idea, having lived for years in the safety of her own stink, right under her husband's nose. I don't know if you would like to write about that, but it was just something fun to think about.

miss kendra said...

why haven't you put your child in any strange places for photos lately?

that's what the internet needs more of.

karla said...

tfg: You've spent your whole adult life trying to get someone to pick up the slack in your crotch. Sadly for you, women aren't looking for something slack down there.

Kendra: As soon as the state releases him back inot my custody, I'll get right on that.

Johnny Virgil said...

Hey Karla. I linked you if that's cool.

Ramblings from an Old Woman that lived in a shoe. said...

It doesn't matter what you blog about. You will be funny enough to make me pee my pants. There blog about people who pee themselves while reading blogs.

Ellie's Mommie said...

OMG! The post above me is my mother! LMAO, she's such a nut-case... there you go... Blog about families that blog together. It seems to keep us sane (of course I doubt anyone else thinks we're remotely close to sane!)

Spaceman Spiff said...

Ideas for posts.

1.)What kind of man would it take for you to drive across country, wearing adult diapers so you could attempt to murder and torture a woman you thought might be interested in the man you had more than a working relationship with, but less than a personal relationship with but who in actuality, didn't know the guy hardly at all. Simply put, what kind of man would send you right over the edge?

2.)People that write incredibly long run-on sentences when it could be said in two words and how they irritate the piss and vinegar right out of you.

3.) Who of your loyal, if somewhat demented and possibly dangerous, regular readers would you most willingly send Jake to for the weekend so you and the hubby could take in that monster truck and tractor pull rally, before accidentally setting yourself on fire while free-basing cocaine? 3a.) Follow-up question: What activities would you plan for them leading up to awful moment when the police had to tell the hapless blogger that possession is 90% of the law, so Jake was now theirs?

Nocturnal said...

The thoughts that run through your head when somebody sitting next to you in a movie theater is chewing popcorn with their mouth wide open and talking during the movie.

Cheers

P.S. Either blogger/blogspot or your template is having issues right now. The layout is all skewed.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Karla... how about this as a topic:

"Sphinctoral Spelunking."

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Here's one: You live in Texas. What have you got against the rest of us? Texas is only Mississippi with roads....

Brynne said...

How about my ass and your face!!

I'm so sorry...I don't even know you.


I'm a horrible person.

Carla said...

Oh, come on tell us again about the time you sucker punched the nun. You tell it so well!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Can we have a Texan's point of view about The Shrub? How well he did as the former governor of Texas. How he's turned this country around as the United States President. Please, give us your take on The Shrub.

La Boom said...

WEll..lets see. Trips to Kansas, green beans, Weed Wacker Man, your fear of bugs..do you want me to go on?

The Strong One said...

You should write about tea-bagging and blumpkins.

Or perhaps speculate about Anna Nicole's babydaddy or how many drugs she was on.

Monkey said...

I've missed you while my human was in stupor of depression.

Would you please expand on why museums in the U.S. demand that I wear a diaper before entering their hallowed halls? I think this is simianist. What do you think?

karen! said...

What did you dream last night?