Sunday, February 04, 2007

You may be anonymous to your wife and your boss, but you're someone special to me

Once again, The Man is trying to keep me down.

I didn't want to switch to New Blogger. Despite the energetic attempts of my login screen to get me to switch, I refused on the grounds that I knew the longer I waited, the more bugs would get fixed. However, last weekend I was forced (forced!) to make the switch or not log in at all, so I switched over...but to demonstrate my defiance, I did so while holding a picket sign that read, "No means NO," one that read, "Hell no, we won't go," and one that read, "Know Jesus, Know Peace." (That last one didn't seem to apply to the situation, but I figured three displays of defiance are always better than two, and since I had stolen it from a homeless man at Mardi Gras a few years ago and had yet to make use of it, I felt it was a shame to let it go to waste.)

Naturally, I have complaints about the switch. Namely, some of your comments that were previously linked to your profiles and websites are now marked "anonymous." In fact, of the 42 comments I received on the post about my stinky, sweaty mentor, 15 of them (previously linked to actual bloggers) have suddenly been anonymized. (It is too a word. It's what happens when you anonify something.) Someone suggested this had something to do with whether you Blogger users had already made the switch to New Blogger yourselves before leaving your comments on my site, but the answer to that is 'no.' For instance, Dyckerson left one comment that remains linked to his blog and profile, and left another comment to the same post that has been anonymized. Granted, if there were a god, everything Dyckerson says would be be anonymous, but sadly, this is not the case. Besides, some but not all of the anonyified comments came from Blogger bloggers. Anonymous Coworker was included in the anonyfication, and although I'm thankful because I try daily to forget him, it's confusing because he's not a Blogger user. Maybe the smartasses at Blogger purposefully anonyfied his comment while chuckling, "Let's put the anonymous back in Anonymous Coworker.")

The blitzkrieg of anonyification continues throughout my post archives, although it thins out the deeper we go into 2006. It appears that the oldest posts have been left intact, while the newest posts suffered the most plundering.

This makes me sad because I love each and every one of you. Okay, I admit it--that's a baldfaced lie. Some of you make me want to plunge to my death from atop a snowy mountain peak...but I love most of you. Or at least like you somewhat. Or at least harbor no ill will toward you. For the most part. At any rate, I like to occasionally, when I'm on house arrest and very bored, revisit the links left by commenters in my old posts. Now, thanks to Blogger, you and I will be separated forever, like tfg and every woman he's ever seen or heard of.

It's an outrage, a cause for mourning, a catastrophe of epic proportions. I suggest you immediately write to your congressmen, storm the Capitol, or at least wake up from your heroin nod and acknowledge this travesty with a grunt or a sigh of some kind.

I'm sure this bug will eventually be fixed, but until then, I have a backup plan. For now, any time you comment, include your home address, home phone number, cell phone number and work phone number so that I'll still be able to get in touch with you even if you fall victim to the anonymizer. For safe measure, include the full credit card numbers from no less than three of your credit cards with the most available credit (and don't forget the expiration date and the three-digit code from the back of the card). This may seem a bit drastic, but I'll do anything to ensure you and I don't get separated again. You're that important to me.

26 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

This is a tragedy of septic proportions. The thought that one of my witty, inciteful comments is floating around out there without proper credit is simply inconceivable.

From now on, I shall append each comment with the Dyckerson Seal of Authenticity...

The above piece of literary brilliance was authored by one and only Mighty Dyckerson...harassing and offending bloggers since June 2005. If you aren't completely satisfied with this comment, Mighty Dyckerson invites you to go fuck yourself.

jules said...

I had the same problem. And I'm as outraged as you. Well, probably not...I'm kinda blase about it. Nope, actually don't even give a s**t anymore.

Sarah said...

I love how the date on your post says Feb 14 2007...Fuck I forgot to get my partner something for Valentines day!!!

Needtsza said...

I could live without this new blogger myself, hence I'm prolly gonna leave it soon enough.

Making the swtich was a bad idea. I feel your pain.

CommonWombat said...

You mean I could have been posting anonymously this whole time? You never would have known my name. We never would have become friends, and I never, never would have had to watch your eyes roll back in your head as you entered a full-on fried pickle feeding frenzy?

Great. Now you tell me.

Lux Lisbon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lux Lisbon said...

I predict a riot!

tfg said...

Actually, since I started dating women exclusively from www.Quadraplegic_Dating.com, I haven't had one run away yet.

josh williams said...

I'm on old blogger and do not fear change, just updates, they are always a pain.Stupid blogger!

The Muse said...

Hola! Thanks for the well-wishes and what not. I shall have a funnny and entertaining blog post about ye ole first day by sometime tomorrow. Because, in a crazy turn of events, I actually have A LOT of work to do today.

Anywho... I haven't switched over to the new blogger yet... who knows when I will. My site needs a revamp.

How'd you find me, anyway?

andy said...

Dude, I, for one, as a non-Blogger person, have found it to be very difficult to leave comments sometimes. Either that, or that ill-will is directed over here sometimes. I can't really be worse than Senor 'Seal of Authenticity' up there, can I?

Dooce Fan! said...

So cold the rusty talon of technology that thusly wrenched ones loved and ones remembered but some forgot from the gentle bosom of the funny but humorous Karla.

The good must be taken with the bad not unlike the red and white sides of a Tylenol. Such is life.

I live in a mushroom with Papa Smurf. It's the third one on the left with the big red roof. My number is Yohan555 and I don't use credit cards, I use hugs. Please don't give Gargamel this info.

Antonio said...

Hmm, I made a new post on Friday and I didn't have to switch over. However, even if I did, I couldn't verify the comments bug due to lack of actual comments. *ahem*

You can verify my comment by calling 212-867-5309.

Ted said...

Fine...I'll give you $650 too.

This is getting really expensive.

You better do yoga or something.

Frances said...

I ended up leaving Blogger over the beta & some commenting issues.
I made the mistake of switching to the Beta - just to see.
When I later switched to WordPress I was not able to transfer my posts because the trasfer thing only works for Blogger regular not the Beta.
WordPress is great btw.
Take care,
Frances

anonymouscoworker said...

Try to forget me all you'd like, but I'll keep invading your dream dressed in a clown costume made out of fish.

Jenni said...

I have not made the swith and I am curious to see if I'm going to be anonomized...or something. Let's give it a try...

Jenni said...

Nope. That's me.

THANK GOD I didn't fall into the pit of anonominity.

Phew.

Chebbles' Mama said...

Ever since you promised to ABDUCT MY CHILD, I've been on the run from you, but now that I've been deanonized, I've got to change our names and dye everyone's hair all over again, Pony Boy.
And I like the new Blogger. I don't but I said that just to be shitty.

puerileuwaite said...

And yet in stark contrast, Alcoholics Anonymous is starting to name names.

So you may want to lay low for awhile.

Steve said...

hi there. i like your blog.

maybetomorrow said...

Ha - I just switched to the new blogger myself and then found your blog - I'm not anonymous but feel that way sometimes

TexasGal said...

I've switched...just wait...the "fun" has just begun. Like now...while I'm typing this, in the column to the left the first two lines are all stacked on top of each other and the title is hidden behind the column on the right. It's impossible to get technical help too. But despite it all, you still made me laugh. My co-workers probably think I'm crazy sitting here laughing while I should be working.

Nocturnal said...

Thanks for the details, I've heard horror stories about it and will not budge until forced.

Cheers

honeykbee said...

I, too, refused the move until I was left with no option but to "upgrade" to the new blogger. Suddenly *gasp* it was either new blogger or no log in. The nerve!

Even worse? When I went to blogger.com a few days later from another machine, the old blogger was an option. Tricky tricky sticky blogspot.

Jack's Shack said...

anonyification

Is that before or after Algebra.