First, let me say he got everything under the sun. Everything. Go ahead, name something; he got it. A boat? Yes. A plane? Yes. A Shetland pony? Yes. An impressive collection of hunting knives and 3 Samurai swords? Yes. Oh, and more clothes than Cher has in her closet. I'll never have to buy another outfit for him again, provided I can come up with a way to prevent him from ever weighing more than 30 lbs.
At any rate, he stepped up to the plate and performed his sole required birthday task well, which is the traditional Smearing of Cake on The Face. I had my doubts as to whether he'd do his duty in this regard, since he's not one to enthusiastically dive into new foods. Usually, when presented with a food he hasn't seen before, he will turn his head so far to the side that it threatens to swivel on his chubby neck, and he will remain in that prissy little pose til the food is removed from his sight. Only after I've rudely smeared a little of the offending food on his lips, and he eventually licks said lips and discovers goodness thereon, will he then open his beak for a bite. However, when the cake was put in front on him, he did not turn away, although he did not eat it, either. He first began grabbing handfulls of it and methodically tossing them onto the floor for me to clean up at my leisure. He had no intention of putting his frosting-encrusted fingers to his mouth, so once he finished getting a good solid coating of frosting on my carpet, I took a fingerful of icing and put it to his lips. His head swivelled like he was auditioning for a remake of The Exorcist, and I chased his fleeing lips until I was able to swipe them with the icing. He cried out in protest, made the kind of face I'd imagine one makes upon taking a bite of rotting human flesh, and then sat there unhappily til it slowly dawned on him that what he'd just tasted was actually pretty decent. Then he began smacking his lips, and quickly opened his mouth for another fingerful. Then he proceeded to take charge of smearing his face and hands with cake while the crowd cackled and grinned and snapped his photo. Mission accomplished.
It was all fun and games til our friend Jay suggested we light the "#1" candle on his cake. Jake was mesmerized by the flame, eventually giving in to his desire to see what it felt like. Apparently it hurt. You know how every time I post photos of Jake here on the site, several of you leave comments asking "Is he ALWAYS smiling?" And it's true, he does break out the big flashy grin for the camera just about every time. But just so you know that Jake does indeed have a full range of emotions, here's proof that, at least upon sticking his finger in the flame of a birthday candle, he does occasionally stop smiling.
But he cheered up soon enough, and the event went on as planned. Later, when the crowd had dissipated, I inquired as to how he'd like to spend the remainder of his birthday. He enthusiastically replied that there was some housecleaning he'd been meaning to get to, which I thought was odd--I don't know if many children volunteer to clean house on their birthdays, but what can I say, he's a neat freak.
First order of business was the refrigerator. He went through it and carefully read the expiration dates of the various items, tossing the ones that were no longer fresh. Then he rearranged things so that the beer was on the bottom shelf where he could reach it, and the boring stuff like Splenda and steak sauce were on the top shelves where they wouldn't be in his way.
Next he hit the office, where he looked disgustedly at the bookshelf. "Most of these books suck," he declared, "and once again, the boring stuff is on the bottom and the good stuff is on the top shelves I can't reach." In fact, that's exactly what he was blathering on about when I snapped this first picture. Note the mouth, open in mid-blather.
He started to cheer up as the project progressed, though. He takes great satisfaction in putting things in order, so by the time I took this picture he was downright festive.
After that, he mopped the kitchen floors and scrubbed the tub in the master bathroom, muttering under his breath about how "some children have mommies who do this stuff" (whatever that means). Then he headed up to the attic to label all the boxes of Christmas decorations so they'll be easier to find come December. By then it was nearly one in the morning, and I had watched all the movies we had on DVD and was starting to get bored. I asked Jake to make a run to the liquor store for me, but he reminded me that it had closed hours ago, which only proves my point that everything would be perfect if we just moved to Vegas. So instead I had him give me a foot massage and a manicure, and then I changed his diaper and we went to bed.
All in all, it was a long, busy day, but a good one.