Ever wonder what I do when I'm not writing a blog post or abusing my child?
No? Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.
I often sit down to do some productive blog-writing, but then get sucked in by other peoples' blogs. Reading these blogs can eat away at the entire block of time I had set aside for writing. Before I know it, it's time to get back to abusing my child. Here are a few of the blogs that have a way of gnawing away at my would-be productive time.
One Child Left Behind has the best of three worlds:
1) It's very often funny. The funny parts will make you fall off your chair laughing, so that eventually you'll know enough to stand up while reading it.
2) It's very often beautiful. The beautiful parts will make you cry, even if you think you're too manly to cry, or too drunk to cry, or all cried out from reading Karlababble.
3) If you dig hard enough, you can find things like this. If you're a heterosexual girl, you know why that's great. If you're a heterosexual man, oops. I might have just turned you gay. I should have posted a warning before the link. Sorry.
Assclownopolis is good, clean fun without the 'clean' part, or the 'good part.' Really, it's a very funny blog--but maybe the best part is getting to address him as "Assclown" in your comment. As in, "So true, Assclown, so true," or even, "You're wrong, Assclown; it's not okay to have sexual relations with a dairy cow, even if the cow seems to be flirting with you."
Neil at Citizen of the Month is a genius. A genius at crafting blog posts out of pure bullshit. I have to believe that 99.8% of what he writes is completely made up. But that's a talent, make no mistake. And his posts are always funny. Always. Not funnier than mine, mind you. But funny.
Ben at Nocturnal Tendencies made a video about me. But he was cool even before that. Any girls out there interested in a hot drummer who's smart, talented, kind, and an aminal lover? Well, forget it. He's got enough girls vying for his attention already. You'd just get in the way.
Frankly, Mighty Dyckerson scares the shit out of me. So why did he make this list? All I can say in my defense is this: Millions of women stay in relationships with abusive, alcoholic, no-account men for years and years despite claiming to be unhappy and terrified in those relationships. Why do they stay? Sometimes terror can be like a magnet. This blog is my terrifying magnet.
That's the short list. There are others. I'd write about them as well, but all this writing is cutting into my blog-reading time. That, and my kid needs abusing. I'm not Superwoman. I can't do everything at once.