Sunday, July 31, 2005

Well hey, what can I say? Not EVERY post is funny.

I woke up happy this morning.

I had one of those dreams in which my mom was still alive, and we weren't doing anything special--just shopping, just hanging out together--but she was alive and healthy and still just very much a part of my every day life. I love those dreams. That's all I ask for when I go to bed at night: That I can spend some small portion of the night believing she's still here and we're still together, just hanging out.

That happens almost every night, actually. I don't always remember my dreams when I first wake up; sometimes I have to sit for a moment and think in order to remember what they were about. So every morning I do that; I take a moment to take inventory of my dreams, checking to see if she was there. Usually the answer is yes, so I get to spend a few minutes thinking about that dream, and I get this happy feeling, just remembering what it felt like to still have her around. On the mornings when I find there were no dreams about her, I think, "Hey! Where were you?"

So every night before I fall asleep, I think, "I'll see you tonight, Ruby." And I almost always do. It's not the same as having her here, but it's as close as I can get, so I'll take it. It makes me very happy.

18 comments:

La Boom said...

She was a great person. I am so glad she stays in touch with you...does not surprise me with her. I would almost bet you that the Lil' One sees her also. I am sure she keeps an eye on him.

Carolyn said...

That was so touching, and I'm glad you felt comfortable enough revealing that part of yourself with us. I'm glad your dreams give you that bit of happiness and closeness with her.

Nell said...

How sweet that you can continue to spend time with your mom in your dreams. You must have a great connection with her even still.

pylorns said...

It does take a bit to keep a blog current and up to date.. with humor..

Curator said...

You are one lucky lady. It sounds like she will always be there for you in your dreams.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

That is odd that you can sort of will yourself to dream about your Mom. It is also very nice.

ianmack said...

thanks for stopping by my blog today. love your layout. plus those baby photos are hilarious. about dreams...i think it's fascinating to realize that when we sleep it's only our bodies that gear down. our minds get free reign.

Christi said...

That's so sweet.

undercover celebrity said...

Dreams can seem so real.

I read something a few years ago that said that while you sleep your mind dreams about the the things that you can't have while you're awake. Somehow I find that reassuring -- that you'll never completely be without the things you really love in life.

Sweet dreams.

Mark said...

Very nice post. Once in awhile I'll dream about my Grandpa who has been gone for 7 years or so now. However, two nights ago I dreamt about the cab driver I had the other night, and that was kind of weird.

Lisa said...

That's a lovely way to 'spend time' with your Mum. A very nice post.

Walker said...

Thats a very nice post. I guess she will always be with you. :)

Stephania said...

i know what it's like to lose a parent too. except unlike you, i only seem to remember the melancholic bits, and not the fun times that we had together. that's really nice that you're comfortable enough to be at peace with your dreams instead of throwing yourself into a bitter and self pitying depression at the thought of her name. that's very admirable.

i'm very proud of you. <3

and i'm sorry for your loss.

love, stephany

Kristina said...

This is my favorite post yet. I love you and Ruby. I'm so glad I got to know her in this life.

nita said...

know what? it really is her. don't freak, she's spending time and will continue to do so until you're more okay with her being gone. i have experience with this, and i've been dead (electrocution) and i'm not making it up. must have been a special bond.....

Maja said...

That's great :)

Gerbera Daisy said...

Very nice and touching tribute to your mom. Sounds like the two of you had a very good relationship. I hope she will always be a part of your dreams.

rebcram said...

I'm not used to almost crying when I read people's blogs, but there is a first time for everything. So touching!