The very sweet and lovely Undercover Celebrity interviewed me. This was interesting for me, because, well, I find myself fascinating. Unfortunately for you, I'm not that interesting to anyone else. Nonetheless, here are my answers.
Question 1: What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Oh hell, it's only the first question and already I'm about to admit to something I'm ashamed of. Damn you, Undercover Celebrity. Okay, here goes: Sometimes I watch that insipid Sex in the City. But listen, it's hardly a guilty pleasure, because while I do feel incredibly guilty for frittering my life away in such a manner, there's almost no pleasure involved, honestly. In fact, I sit there and yell at the TV throughout the entire episode, things like, "What in God's name is she wearing?! NO ONE wears a ballerina skirt with suspenders--and there's a REASON for that! She looks like an ass!" And that heinous-looking Mr. Big--I'm supposed to identify with Carrie as she swoons over that pompous, unattractive turd? While wearing a freaking ballerina skirt? Ack. I'm getting angry just thinking about it. But I'll probably watch it again, damnit.
Question 2: What bad habit do you wish you could break (but really have no intention of breaking)?
This is unrealistic. I'm expected to pick just one, from the novelty-length list of bad habits I have? Okay. It would be great if I could stop mentally mocking people I see in grocery stores, at work, at the post office, you name it. It's a terrible habit, but incredibly entertaining, so I don't think I'm going to be able to stop. I have whole sarcastic conversations with them, in my head, in which I tell them things I would never dare to tell them in real life, like, "Your cell phone conversation with your sister is fascinating! Everyone within a 20-foot radius can hear it loud and clear, but I hate the thought of the people out in the parking lot missing out on it. Can you shout just a tad louder as you complain to your dopey sister about how expensive your foot fungus medicine is, you self-important cow?"
Question 3: What's the best pick-up line you've ever heard?
This one came from my friend John, but he didn't use it on me. I heard him ask a girl who had just gotten into his Volkswagen van, "Are we gonna have sex or not? Because if not, get out." (She eventually got out, so I guess it's not "best" as in "most effective," but "best" as in "most humorous.")
Question 4: Common, but I have to ask: What was your most creative Missourian pastime?
That's a tough one. You already know about us sitting at a picnic table in the back of an El Camino playing quarters while someone drove us around. We also used to have fun driving to Camden to party on a cruise boat, although 9 times out of 10 that would involve having to bail Travis out of jail by the end of the night, usually for public urination or open container. But here's the best one: Our friends had a band, and they bought a big yellow school bus to drive from gig to gig. They tore out all the seats and put in couches and armchairs. We used to buy a keg (or two) and drive around town all night drinking in the school bus, making stops to pick up passengers whenever someone stood by the side of the road and waited for us to stop. The driver would swing the door open, the passengers would get on, and by the end of the night, we had a schoolbus-load of drunks passed out on the various couches. Yes, you can do that in an incredibly small town. The cop (who drove his own mini-pickup truck with a camper shell on it instead of a real cop car) used to wave to us as we drove by.
Question 5: And, for the grand finale: Another rousing game of shag, marry, push off a cliff. Please put each of the following men into the aforementioned categories: Colin Farrell, Vince Vaughn, and Jude Law. (Theme: Hollywood Men you Love to Hate)
Well, I can't marry Jude unless he can assure me we'll never have a nanny, so I guess I'd shag him, marry the adorable Vince, and push the hot-but-retarded Colin off a cliff before he multiplies again.
Want to play?
The Official Interview Game Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below asking to be interviewed.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.