Friday, August 05, 2005

If you've got any sense at all, this will bore the pants off of you

The very sweet and lovely Undercover Celebrity interviewed me. This was interesting for me, because, well, I find myself fascinating. Unfortunately for you, I'm not that interesting to anyone else. Nonetheless, here are my answers.

Question 1: What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Oh hell, it's only the first question and already I'm about to admit to something I'm ashamed of. Damn you, Undercover Celebrity. Okay, here goes: Sometimes I watch that insipid Sex in the City. But listen, it's hardly a guilty pleasure, because while I do feel incredibly guilty for frittering my life away in such a manner, there's almost no pleasure involved, honestly. In fact, I sit there and yell at the TV throughout the entire episode, things like, "What in God's name is she wearing?! NO ONE wears a ballerina skirt with suspenders--and there's a REASON for that! She looks like an ass!" And that heinous-looking Mr. Big--I'm supposed to identify with Carrie as she swoons over that pompous, unattractive turd? While wearing a freaking ballerina skirt? Ack. I'm getting angry just thinking about it. But I'll probably watch it again, damnit.

Question 2: What bad habit do you wish you could break (but really have no intention of breaking)?
This is unrealistic. I'm expected to pick just one, from the novelty-length list of bad habits I have? Okay. It would be great if I could stop mentally mocking people I see in grocery stores, at work, at the post office, you name it. It's a terrible habit, but incredibly entertaining, so I don't think I'm going to be able to stop. I have whole sarcastic conversations with them, in my head, in which I tell them things I would never dare to tell them in real life, like, "Your cell phone conversation with your sister is fascinating! Everyone within a 20-foot radius can hear it loud and clear, but I hate the thought of the people out in the parking lot missing out on it. Can you shout just a tad louder as you complain to your dopey sister about how expensive your foot fungus medicine is, you self-important cow?"

Question 3: What's the best pick-up line you've ever heard?
This one came from my friend John, but he didn't use it on me. I heard him ask a girl who had just gotten into his Volkswagen van, "Are we gonna have sex or not? Because if not, get out." (She eventually got out, so I guess it's not "best" as in "most effective," but "best" as in "most humorous.")

Question 4: Common, but I have to ask: What was your most creative Missourian pastime?
That's a tough one. You already know about us sitting at a picnic table in the back of an El Camino playing quarters while someone drove us around. We also used to have fun driving to Camden to party on a cruise boat, although 9 times out of 10 that would involve having to bail Travis out of jail by the end of the night, usually for public urination or open container. But here's the best one: Our friends had a band, and they bought a big yellow school bus to drive from gig to gig. They tore out all the seats and put in couches and armchairs. We used to buy a keg (or two) and drive around town all night drinking in the school bus, making stops to pick up passengers whenever someone stood by the side of the road and waited for us to stop. The driver would swing the door open, the passengers would get on, and by the end of the night, we had a schoolbus-load of drunks passed out on the various couches. Yes, you can do that in an incredibly small town. The cop (who drove his own mini-pickup truck with a camper shell on it instead of a real cop car) used to wave to us as we drove by.

Question 5: And, for the grand finale: Another rousing game of shag, marry, push off a cliff. Please put each of the following men into the aforementioned categories: Colin Farrell, Vince Vaughn, and Jude Law. (Theme: Hollywood Men you Love to Hate)
Well, I can't marry Jude unless he can assure me we'll never have a nanny, so I guess I'd shag him, marry the adorable Vince, and push the hot-but-retarded Colin off a cliff before he multiplies again.



_____________________________________________________
Want to play?
The Official Interview Game Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below asking to be interviewed.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

27 comments:

Leah said...

Ooh! I want to be interviewed! And great timing. What with yesterday's wisdom teeth removal, I've got time to spare for this stuff...

Also, though, I'd like to see you put your adorable baby in more random places. :)

nita said...

i totally want to play :)

a fish on a bycicle said...

fire away, but could you make the people in the last question a) female, and b) not too obscure, (I don't get out nearly enough)

Angela said...

*Waving hand violently in the air* Me! Me! Oh please pick meeeee!

Pete said...

Maybe it's me, but Vince Vaughn has always looked like a raccoon.

You're going to really regret doing this post, because EVERY FRIGGIN' PERSON ON THE INTERNET is going to want you to interview them. Prepare for 50 comments by this afternoon begging you to "pick me plese." :)

pat said...

Ouch. Good luck with all those questions! I think I'll opt out, if anything just to spare you a few extra minutes of your life, cause you'll be spending enough time thinking up... let's see... 25 questions, aaaaaand counting!

undercover celebrity said...

Your answers = classic. I could NOT agree with you more about Sex and the City -- can't stop watching it... and I'm not sure if the ballerina skirt/suspender combo was an ACTUAL outfit she wore, but GREAT visual.

And I am CUH-RACK-ING up at your worst habit. I totally do the same thing. Sometimes I wonder if that makes me a horrible, evil person. It probably does, but I can't stop the thoughts. It's almost like they aren't opinion, it's just a fact that 80's mom jeans are hideous, especially when paired with a banana clip and juarachi sandals. Tell me how I'm not supposed to silently mock THAT?!

And... I see you are experiencing one of the side-effects of the wildly entertaining interview game -- coming up with all the questions you now have to ask others.

And I'm sure it will come as no surprise that you also have to interview me -- though, I'm sure I'll get shoved to the top of the interview list on accounta reciprocity. :)

R.A. said...

Do you know if there is a cure for the mental sarcasm condition? I suffer from the same thing, but I want to keep mine...it gets me through the day. I dig the school bus idea, but it wouldn't fly in the OC where I live. Another great post.

Kiki said...

Colin--before he multiplies. That was great!

karla said...

RA: True, the schoolbus wouldn't work in the OC--but then again, it wouldn't be NECESSARY there, either. If you live anywhere that has anything going on at all, it would never occur to you to rennovate a schoolbus and party in it. You've got too much to choose from, entertainment-wise, already.

rebcram said...

I totally agree with your S,M, P off a C rankings. Also, I can't stop myself from watching Sex in the City. Dammit.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You're an entertaining little thing, Ms. Babble. That school bus gig sounds like it was grand fun. Still do that?

Leah said...

So, are you so tired of thinking up new questions yet? I had a lot of fun with yours, though, and it made me concentrate less on the four holes in my mouth. :)

Niccolo said...

Don't forget to kiss the busdriver. :)

CommonWombat said...

Yes please! Yes Please! I would love to be interviewed by you when you have finished interviewing the other seventy five bazillion people. Here are my ground rules:

1) No questions about the time I spent in Turkish prison. I swear to god that wasn't my cow.

2) No questions about the cow comment I just made.

Fire away!

CommonWombat said...

By the way, your "worst habit" reminded me of a peeve of mine: dipshit morons who have those cell phones with the speaker-phones built into them, but insist on holding them TWO INCHES IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE while using them. It's called "Hands free" for a reason, numbnuts! Either put the phone down or hold it to your ear like a normal person! Christ that really honks me off!

Hmmm. I'm going to go see if I can find my sense of perspective again.

Christi said...

I have that same problem of sarcastic judgements on people. What scares me most, though, is that I seem to have passed it off on my two year old son! The other day at the playground he chose to "just watch the people" as opposed to actually going to play!

karla said...

Old Horsetail Snake: No, we don't do the school bus thing anymore, sadly. It's just not becoming of a mommy. Good thing I got all that crazy behavior out of my system in my younger years.

Maja said...

That was fascinating! I love the drinking bus.

Katya said...

i'd have pushed jude off the cliff but each to their own...lol

i love the thought of you mentally mocking people, i think everyone does it at one point of another, if only you could say those things out loud, when you are older you can, they will just blame it on your age...lol

have a great weekend...

:0)

Ariel1980 said...

Equally repulsive was Carrie wearing men's tighty-whities. And Mr. Big? May I be vulgar for a moment?....he must have had a)a magic, vibrating penis; and b) a sixteen inch tongue and the ability to breathe through his ears...because otherwise, what gives? And Charlotte with Harry Goldenblatt? Can we say "ewww"? Miranda always struck me as a lesbo....so angry at the world...one set of Birkenstocks away from a "PETA" campaign....I could go on forever. I have the entire thing on DVD, and watch it repeatedly. Definately a guilty pleasure of my own as well.

Walker said...

Ha Ha Ha That pick up line was direct and to the point I love it.I would never use it but to see someone with the balls to is great.
Have a nice weekend

karla said...

No, Lakeline, I'm not tired of thinking up new questions yet! I actually kind of dig it.

jane said...

Well, since you're enjoying this so much, please sign me up!

Nomidlifecrisishere said...

Pick me!

karla said...

Okay, Nomidlifecrisishere (that's a mouthful), I'm trying to "pick you," but when I click on the link to your name, it shows you have no web page. I need your web page in order to send you your questions! I would have emailed you this message directly, but you didn't leave an email address either. You're an enigma.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to be picked, providing you've still got the impetus. And since I already know my profile never shows what it ought to, hence being anonymous, feel free to e-mail.
jeyradan@hotmail.com