I write stuff here and you read it. You roll your eyes. I try to think of stuff that will elicit more eye rolling. The end.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I seem to be trapped in a poop theme.
Somewhere, in a bathroom in the not-so-distant past, a man sat patiently on his toilet as he waited for his body to do its thing. He had some time on his hands while he waited. But he was not one of those unimaginative fellows who just sits and stares blankly at the wall while waiting for something, oh no. He was always thinking, this guy. At that particular moment, the thought in his busy, crafty brain was this:
"Why are toilet seats all so plain and boring? I should be crapping on a beautiful arrangement of seashells instead of this plain white seat. Nay, I deserve to be crapping on a beautiful arrangement of seashells!"
And that, folks, is how all great inventions start: With one simple idea. Soon this industrious gent made his brainchild a reality, and voila! Now every one of us, as well as our children and our children's children--will have the ability to crap on seashells, and all for the low, low price of $69.99. Heck, if you're one of those fancy types who always has to have the best of the best, you can spend $89.99 and crap on a blue toilet seat with little fish inside. It's like all my childhood dreams are coming true!
And all thanks to that innovative, constipated genius who refused to settle for the status quo. I salute you, Constipated Genius, whoever you are.
Posted by karla at 10:30 PM
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Nothing wrong with a toilet or poop post, they're some of my most popular!
I notice the toilet seats are "crack resistant".
HA! LOL at Lee's comment. This is too bizarre for me. I choose plain white, thank ye!
Karla – you would be so proud of the poop I am swimming in.
This weekend, at the great chili cook-off of the north, a gentleman and his lady friend told me at great length about how they loved to Jacuzzi. For hours the two would sit in there and relax after work. It could never get hot enough. He even added a control to make it hotter than a normal Jacuzzi would. They could stay there all night.
Then I explained a little Karlaesque theory I have.
“If you sit in a hot tube, I mean really hot, for that amount of time, you are really sitting in a low temperature human soup. Sure the meat on your bones tenderizes, makes you all relaxed, but it also warms the insides – like your intestines, which are full of poop. So really, sitting in your super hot Jacuzzi, is really just making poop soup with loose bowel muscles .... But hey, you enjoy that chili.”
karla, just think of all the google searches you'll get now, i mean how many posts do you have on poop, and saying every word pertaining to poop. haha...
lol crapping with the fishies...
I bet if you Google the words "poop" or "constipation", you will see the following results:
1 - Dooce
2 - Karlababble
Okay, I'm thinking this guy may be a frequent flyer in the bathrooms I wrote about last week. I can assure you the last thing I think about when TCB is how to redecorate... ;)
Are you a proud owner of one of these beauties?
How about one with a slot for pictures...then you could crap on ex-boyfriends...skinny starlets...bad republicans (notice I said "bad" republicans...I'm open minded.
Always thinkin' this one
I don't know why they don't make toilet seats hollow inside, and then fill the hollow with all the stuff found inside of snow globes. Just think of how festive it will be each time they lift the seat to piss!
Seriously! Where do you find this stuff?
I'm sure my butt will appreciate sitting on some seashells.LOL
Where's the 'Decorate My Own Toilet Seat' Kit? That has "kid's themed birthday party" written all over it.
p.s. After reading psquared's comment, I will never use a jacuzzi again. Thank you.
I think toilet seats should be made out of gravel so people wouldn't just sit in there and read.
Whow! Someone is making a mint! There retail at around £10 over here and they cannot give them away!
I'm not crapping agin until I can do it on a toilet painted like a Thomas Kinkade painting. If they can make toilet seats with leaves, they can make a toilet seat out of his terrible, unholy "art".
well you can get some good ideas sitting on the throne.i seem to get them while mowing the grass.
Do you know how much mental anguish a toilet seat like that would cause me? I (like other women, I assume) inspect the toilet seat before sitting, just to make sure that there isn't something there that we are going to sit 'in'. Can you imagine how fricking long it would take inspect that seat with all the crap in it? It's evil camouflaging.
I just don't get it. You can't even appreciate it cuz your sitting the whole time ON IT! Only the men can see it while they are standing up and I'm sure most of them could care less about hte design? I'm sure they would want to aim for a shell or flower thus making a big mess. Some people have WAY to much time on their hands.
It's crazy what people will come up with isn't it? Stacie
At my Year 12 formal we had it at the Dreamworld theme park on the Gold coast in Australia. In the toilets they had those blue ones.... i thought they were awesome.
Somebody gave me a frog toilet seat once. I did not use it.
I have a single male friend whose parents gave him one of those toilet seats for Christmas. It was the blue one with fish, and it also had dolphins. He's not gay, but he uses it with pride anyway.
I was out antiquing/junking about six years ago, when I came across this awesome toilet seat. It had the words "Don't give me that crap!" painted on it. I passed it by. I regret that decision to this day.
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