Monday, March 27, 2006

Finally, a film for the whole family.

My buddy Psquared is a genius. Not only is he just an all-around genius (and, allegedly, a guy who looks smashing in Superman Underoos), but apparently a genius filmmaker as well. I was so inspired by his inspirational filmmaking that I decided to take up the craft myself.

I know what you're thinking: "Slow down there, cowgirl! You can't just decide one day to be a filmmaker, and then bam! You're a filmmaker. These things take time, which you're short on, and talent, which you lack completely."

Well, I've proven you wrong once again. About 10 minutes ago I decided to take up filmmaking, and about 1 minute ago I finished my first film. I'm a prodigy, you might say.

Because this is an independent film, and therefore very artsy and deep, I'll give you a little background so you can appreciate the more obscure references.

My friend Common Wombat has a rather unique and cool job. He spends the last part of each year merrily prancing all across the countryside turning dull, drab shopping malls into fun, fantastical Christmas wonderlands. He has a hand, or sometimes two or three hands, in designing, building, and setting up those mall Christmas displays that bring joy and wonder to the hearts of children everywhere. You could say he's a bit like Santa Claus, if Santa had a major gastrointestinal problem that caused sinus-killing flatulence. Why does he do it? Not for the money, friends. He does it for the satisfaction of knowing he's helping to bring the true meaning of Christmas to little Johnny and little Suzy. He's a role model for us all.

Every December, scores of busy, distracted parents charge into the mall dragging their flustered children behind them, intent on hastily charging up their Visas and Mastercards grudgingly and thoughtlessly, just to cross off a few names from their Christmas lists. There's no thought or feeling associated with this commercialized spending spree, just a calculated need to snatch up something, anything, to wrap and give to Grandma and Uncle Bob to fulfill the annual obligation of Christmastime. These parents are stopped dead in their tracks when they're surprised to find not just the sterile, uninviting storefronts they expected to see, but a wintertime fairy tale come true--Wombat's handiwork--Christmas trees, presents, snow, reindeer, beautiful decorations and candy canes and a hundred magical things that make parents and chilren alike remember and rejoice in the spirit of the holiday season. Suddenly, these shoppers are humbled, transformed. Faith and goodwill is restored, all thanks to Common Wombat. The world deserves to hear his inspirational story.

Which is why I chose him as the subject of my first feature film. Films have been made about all the great leaders and prophets and heroes of the world--Ghandi, JFK, Joan of Arc, E.T., you name it. Why not Wombat? I got tired of sitting around waiting for someone else to come along and tell this beautiful tale. At a certain point, I realized it was time for me to become part of the solution.

To that end, I proudly present you with my first film, A XXXmas Love Story. I hope you enjoy it.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow! What in the world could this guy have done to you?

jon deal said...

That was sublime. You really captured the moment there.

If you don't get awards and accolades for it, you have been ROBBED! Robbed, I say!

miss kendra said...

i thought wombat was hairier than that.

robin williams wasn't available?

Natalie said...

Awesome!

Is it just me or did Wombat look more like a bear? :P

You definitely have some..ummm.."talent" in this business. Hope you make lots more!

doggerelblogger said...

Stand back, everyone. I am about to get totally motherfucking out of control with this AWESOME new toy Karla has just shown us.

Right after I finish my taxes. YEAH.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Crazed. Double crazed.

No, wait: Triple....

Jodi said...

I think you must have too much time on your hands. :) And you are talented, wickedly funny, and I fear slightly unbalanced as well. Just my kinda gal....

Caryn said...

Very cute. That site looks like a great time-waster. I've got to give this a try.

Maui said...

...you write well.

psquared said...

More like "Wylie Coyote – Super Genius"

~TVS said...

Too funny. I can't wait for the sequel. There will be a sequel, right?

CommonWombat said...

You know how they say you should never poke a sleeping bear? Well, Karla is the bear, and I keep poking her.

No, I don't mean POKING her. Christ. I just mean that if I'd lie still and not make a sound she might actually fuck off and leave me alone. But now, I gotta keep walking up to her and going "Hey Karla, what's up?" And getting a heaping pile of abuse for my trouble.

I must love the attention or something.

Now go here and check out my reBUTTal.

HW said...

I don't get the rebuttal. Call me slow, but I'm confused by it. I mean, how can you sell your soul to the devil when, clearly, you ARE the devil?

sunflowerfairy said...

Wombat, I can tell you don't have kids. Calling her a devil is funny, calling her on her horrible parenting skills would have been much funnier.

Off to make my own funny movie. lol

Antonio said...

LOL, I think next year's Oscar race has already been settled!

bornfool said...

Brilliant, Karla. You are a genius.

Margaret said...

you are an inspiration to us all! even if you do have a hole where you're soul used to be...

Dorothy said...

LOL, great stuff!

Faltenin said...

Nice! Just don't do Gandhi next...

Ariel1980 said...

Ang Lee has NOTHING on you.

Breathtaking!

Mr. Fabulous said...

Brilliant!

It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me THINK!

Kudos, my friend!

Hale McKay said...

Hilarious work Karla. And a funny rebuttal by Wombat.

The Jamoker said...

I found this to be very entertaining. The world needs more smack films.

Kiki said...

Brilliant!!!!!!!!

Bridgermama said...

So I guess we will be seeing you on the streets of Sundance then. Don't forget about all us little people when you make it big!

Li said...

you kick some serious ass K!

Ben said...

You did NINdeed capture the moment KB, well done. You and your crew have a nice weekend.

TGIF.

nita said...

is common wombat aka 'bad santa'?

and, that movie is genius. sheer genius. it needs worldwide distribution ASAP!

PI said...

Karla :I'm glad you pointed out that Hoss could get an award and added my ten cents worth.
I found your film thought provoking - and funny.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Why are all the great bloggers from Texas?

Crazy MomCat said...

Anonymous obviously doesn't read your comments much...that is unless that was Wombat in action. (highly suspect, highly suspect...)

And, lightning bug is right...all the great bloggers ARE from Texas! (Yes, you don't have to ask...so am I. Yee haw!)