My buddy Psquared is a genius. Not only is he just an all-around genius (and, allegedly, a guy who looks smashing in Superman Underoos), but apparently a genius filmmaker as well. I was so inspired by his inspirational filmmaking that I decided to take up the craft myself.

I know what you're thinking: "Slow down there, cowgirl! You can't just decide one day to be a filmmaker, and then bam! You're a filmmaker. These things take time, which you're short on, and talent, which you lack completely."

Well, I've proven you wrong once again. About 10 minutes ago I decided to take up filmmaking, and about 1 minute ago I finished my first film. I'm a prodigy, you might say.

Because this is an independent film, and therefore very artsy and deep, I'll give you a little background so you can appreciate the more obscure references.

My friend Common Wombat has a rather unique and cool job. He spends the last part of each year merrily prancing all across the countryside turning dull, drab shopping malls into fun, fantastical Christmas wonderlands. He has a hand, or sometimes two or three hands, in designing, building, and setting up those mall Christmas displays that bring joy and wonder to the hearts of children everywhere. You could say he's a bit like Santa Claus, if Santa had a major gastrointestinal problem that caused sinus-killing flatulence. Why does he do it? Not for the money, friends. He does it for the satisfaction of knowing he's helping to bring the true meaning of Christmas to little Johnny and little Suzy. He's a role model for us all.

Every December, scores of busy, distracted parents charge into the mall dragging their flustered children behind them, intent on hastily charging up their Visas and Mastercards grudgingly and thoughtlessly, just to cross off a few names from their Christmas lists. There's no thought or feeling associated with this commercialized spending spree, just a calculated need to snatch up something, anything, to wrap and give to Grandma and Uncle Bob to fulfill the annual obligation of Christmastime. These parents are stopped dead in their tracks when they're surprised to find not just the sterile, uninviting storefronts they expected to see, but a wintertime fairy tale come true--Wombat's handiwork--Christmas trees, presents, snow, reindeer, beautiful decorations and candy canes and a hundred magical things that make parents and chilren alike remember and rejoice in the spirit of the holiday season. Suddenly, these shoppers are humbled, transformed. Faith and goodwill is restored, all thanks to Common Wombat. The world deserves to hear his inspirational story.

Which is why I chose him as the subject of my first feature film. Films have been made about all the great leaders and prophets and heroes of the world--Ghandi, JFK, Joan of Arc, E.T., you name it. Why not Wombat? I got tired of sitting around waiting for someone else to come along and tell this beautiful tale. At a certain point, I realized it was time for me to become part of the solution.

To that end, I proudly present you with my first film, A XXXmas Love Story. I hope you enjoy it.

Labels: The internet--it's more than just pornography