Saturday, October 15, 2005

Please don't make fun of our bad teeth.

The best twenty-five bucks I ever spent were on my fake teeth. I bought them here about 5 years ago. The guy who makes these teeth is no hack; he's the son of a dentist, and these are not your typical ill-fitting, cheap gag teeth. They come with a mold that you use to shape them over your own teeth, so that they fit well. You can talk while wearing them, unlike most fake teeth which, if you try to say a sentence while wearing them, make you sound like you've got a mouthful of...fake teeth. And the kicker? Not only can I talk while wearing them, but I look undeniably HOT. (With or without the jester hat.)
These teeth fall into that huge, cavernous category of things that tickle the shit out of me in spite of the fact that most other people don't find them all that funny. Everyone seems to agree that they're good for a big laugh when I first put them on, but then they want them gone so that we can get back to talking or shopping, or whatever we were doing, with some semblance of dignity and normalcy. Once I put them on, though, I like to wear them for awhile. People tend to object on the grounds that it's hard to look me in the eye while I'm wearing them.

Once, when I was in Calgary visiting relatives, I wore my fake teeth to the airport when we went there to pick up my sister, who was also coming in for a visit. My plan was to be there, bad teeth and all, to shock her as she got off the plane. But at some point I had to go to the bathroom, and I went alone, still wearing the teeth. As I came out of the stall after doing my business, a well-dressed lady washing her hands at the sink glanced at me in the mirror, then quickly averted her eyes, appearing to be deeply invested in soaping her hands up just so. I washed my hands in the sink next to hers, then popped my teeth out to give them a little rinse under the water. She began to shriek with laughter, and told me that she had been thinking, "Oh, that poor girl--she'd be so pretty if she got her teeth fixed." She then dragged me by the hand to where her family was waiting for her so that they could all get a good laugh at my unfortunate grill. Yes, they all stood there, callously laughing at my physical flaw. Mocking me, making light of my embarrassing disfigurement. People can be so cruel.

Sadly, now, it appears my son will carry on this cursed trait. Two of his teeth came in, and we were so excited at first...til it became apparent that they weren't pretty like we had hoped. But let me make it clear that we love this child, no matter what he looks like. Perhaps when the world sees him, they see a hideous freak, but he is beautiful to us. We can only hope that people will love him for his inner beauty, rather than mocking him for his outer flaws.

43 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

NOW we're talkin' cruielty! Hee.

Hillary said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mama Duck said...

Jeez, you hardly even notice the teeth with those beautiful blue eyes!

Erasmus said...

I have a pair of those teeth. They drove the STBX crazy, because I'd slip them in and say something to get her to look at me. She'd physically recoil at the site. She hated that she couldn't help but laugh every time I did it.

miss kendra said...

i like his teeth!

i'll be paying off the fairy to get mea shot at those collector's items!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Your son is a chip off the old bucked block! Attractive!! Love it!

Chatty said...

OMG...LMAO! I am so glad you provided the webpage! I am ordering a set!

Thanks for stopping by!

Michele in Michigan said...

ROFLMAO--you and I share a connection LOL. I got mine from www.drbukk.com I also like to wear mine, but think I am the only one having fun after about 5 minutes lol. They really look realistic.

You also have to mold them by holding them over steam and then pressing them into your front teeth. I can also drink with them in place.

I have 2 sets--"Cowcatchers" and "The Real McKoy" LOL.

I actually created a website that I call "My Fambly Pitchers." When I get a bit more done, I will post a link LOL

Stacie said...

Like Mother Like Son! Too funny. I love them! Stacie

ducklet said...

How on earth could people not find them all that funny?

/shivers

Carbon said...

How you come up with this stuff just amazes me. I think your brain works at a different frequency but that's a good thing ;-)

mrtl said...

Too funny!

CommonWombat said...

heck, I have teeth like that, and I didn't have to pay 25 bucks either. Mommy took Thalidomide.

Um...

Are you going to be wearing the teeth when we do our face-to-face meeting? Because, okay, points for recognizability, but major points off for scaring the holy bejeezus out of me.

/no idea if recognizability is a word.
//I'm just sayin'.

leesepea said...

Every time I think I'm a freak, I check your site and you've raised the bar yet again.

Or is it lowered?

I suppose it depends on whether or not we're playing limbo.

trisha said...

Sweet teeth! I love them!

Here is my son.

FTS said...

Now this is a post we can sink our teeth into.

*ducks*

psquared said...

You are the best Karla! I was laughing so hard when I got to that shot of the baby - perfect for the frame of my laptop.

Bev - Living In Hormoney said...

LMAO that is the craziest thing ever!!!

Leesa said...

Those are too funny! I have some friends in MI who got these exact teeth and wore them in some of their wedding photos--which is on my blog somewhere...Love the baby ones too!

jane said...

You crack me up! I saw that pacifier in the store the other day and had to lament the fact that my kids are too old for a pacifier now.

Awesome!

Poka Bean said...

undeniably awesome. i need to get some teeth like that for my baby nephew!

Morris said...

LOL

Mr. Morris
Ask Morris

dennis said...

Those things a freaking hilarious.

I have a dentist appointment on the 31st. Hmmmm this gives me an idea.

tigger said...

HA! Classic!! Seriously though - if you had teeth THAT bad for real, wouldn't you do whatever you needed to to get the money to fix em? I would totally donate to someome on the corner holding up a sign that said "Help me fix my hideous teeth"

I won't even get into the homeless dental sex implications here...

Diane said...

You are hysterical! I love it.

And just a teensy-weensy bit cruel . . . but I do hope your wee one inherits your sense of humor.

We need more people like you in this world, Ms. Karla!

Diane

Diane said...

h

gina said...

OMG you are just wrong! BA HA HA but yet so amusing!

Carolyn said...

You have to tell me where I can get a pacifier like that!

Indigo said...

Oh gawd, those teeth are AWFUL!

CommonWombat said...

It has just now occurred to me that the "tendancy to wear huge fake teeth" should be on the "things that are oh so very wrong with me" list.

Curator said...

Hehe, damn those things look pretty realistic, but your hair gives it away; you could never pass as a NINbreeder. :)

Cheers.

zazzafooky said...

I can't tell which are funny, your teeth or his!! :-)

Dirk the Feeble said...

Wow, after looking at those two pictures of you, I have never been so turned on in my life. It reminds me of the woman that used to live in the trailer next to me . . .

Bonanza Jellybean said...

You guys are an orthodontist's wet dream, I bet.

I couldn't stop giggling at the photos- those are GREAT.

AnonymousCoworker said...

He he he he he!

(breath)

He he he!

karla said...

Carolyn: I got the pacifier at http://www.prankplace.com/ which is a website my friend Phil at http://www.photofill.com/ turned me on to. They have all kinds of funny stuff there. I will say I have a small complaint about the pacifier, and that's the fact that the nipple part is too long for Jake, so he keeps trying to shove it out of his mouth so it doesn't snake down his throat. Almost as if it would be better suited to a bigger kid--but Jake is 8 months old, and it's funnier if the baby is that age or younger, right? The baby pictured in the ad and on the packaging looks to be about 4 months old, in fact. I notice the other pacifiers I have are shorter in the nipple part. But then again, he really doesn't use pacifiers anyway, so maybe he'd quit spitting this one out if he was more of a pacifier user. Anyway, check out the site, they have lots of good stuff. Thanks, Phil, for sending me there.

Krista said...

Really Karla, I don't know what dentists are like in Texas, but we have some really good ones in Calgary, perhaps another visit is in order! :p

I can't believe you still have those things!! lol
I remember when you were visiting here and seeing those things! OMG And now you've got poor little Jake involved! YIKES!! LOL

Photo Phil said...

haha, no problem karla, i didnt know you actually got something from that place. i just happened to be looking around, and found that site, and thought of that post you were looking for good costumes. too funny...

john boy said...

I'm disturbed. Actually, you are disturbed. ;)

Taylor said...

My Dad and Step-Mother are obsessed with Bubba Teeth. They would pick me up from the airport and have them in. Of course Tristyn has a paci just like that!

Christi said...

IS it wrong that when I saw those, I instantly wanted a pair, too? I'm trying to figure out how I can convince my hubby to get me some for Christmas!

a fish on a bycicle said...

the teeth are great, did they come with the nose or did you have to buy that separately?

Kiki said...

Was the picture behind you taken at the Picture People?