Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It's a cruel world, but I'm a survivor

For reasons perhaps none of us will ever understand, Karlababble did not make the final cut for the nominations for Most Humorous Blog in the Best of Blogs Awards. One possible reason is that perhaps the judges don't speak or read English. Another possibility is the judges were not drunk off their asses when they perused my blog. Either way, I can only assume God will punish them for their oversight in some swift and cruel way.

On the bright side, though, Anonymous Coworker did make the final cut. I can hear you now: "But Karla, ACW is not nearly as funny as you! He's not even a tenth, not even a millionth as funny as you! He is perhaps 10 pounds of funny in a 15 pound bag, while you are a thousand pounds of funny in a half pound bag!" Oh, come on now. You're exaggerating. He's every bit as funny as I am--even more, if you factor in appearance.

So if you were planning to give your vote to me, then I ask that you give it to Anonymous Coworker instead. However--if he and I had both made the final nominations list, and you would have given him your vote instead of me, then screw you. I demand total loyalty, and will accept nothing less. Even ACW would be required to give his vote to me instead of voting for himself. But again, perhaps because the judges are blind or maybe even illiterate, I did not make the list, so the point is moot.

The truth is, I am certain that ACW slept his way into the final nominations list. The man is ruthless, shameless, and there's no one he won't blow to get the fame he craves. I find that sad. But now's not the time to dissect his desperate need for attention; leave that to the prison shrink he will someday receive counsel from behind bars. In the meantime, vote for him, will you? An award win may, at least temporarily, keep him from snapping like a dry twig and killing his entire family with a rusty meat cleaver just to make it into the newspapers.

29 comments:

CommonWombat said...

Oh man, that's all we Baltimore-bloggers need, is for ACW to get a bigger head. You should see his head already... Like a weather balloon. It's like a watermellon fucked a beach ball. I speak the truth.

And as for you, Ms. Babble, I would think that the judges being drunk off their asses would only have worked to you favor. This is kind of a "read while seeing double and vomiting" sort of blog.

Crazy Like A Fox said...

What? You didn't make it? What a crock.

tfg said...

That's absurd that you didn't make the final cut. I read some of the blogs of your competition and many sucked an abundance of concentrated donkey butt.

Now, I need head over to ACW's blog and determine whether there is any truth in:
"and there's no one he won't blow to get the fame he craves."

jules said...

Poor baby. You was robbed.

Jessica said...

I simply cannot believe you didn't make it, Karla!

Surely the large martini on your blog would serve as an appropriate indicator that people should imbibe as they read your blog....stoopid judges.

Oh, and please don't knock AC for his willingness to blow whomever for fame, lest you forget how I got on your blogroll. *Ahem*

gina said...

i was so devastated when i read the news. sigh....
maybe next year? till then, i am a faithful reader, who finds your blog to be the most hilarious on my roll.

HizzleThizzle said...

I too was not nominated. Bitches!

miss kendra said...

you're taking this rather well i think.

he blew you into submission, didn't he.

ashley said...

well karla, lesson learned. always sleep your way to the top. it gets you not only v.d. but a nomination. :)

Carbon said...

I was sad to see that you weren't a finalist. You are funny. You make me pee my pants with laughter sometimes...I guess that's not good enough huh. So, you have to make me laugh hard enough to shit my pants to become a finalist? Lets not go there ok... Stupid awards. They don't know what's funny at all.

AnonymousCoworker said...

If my mouth wasn't so tired for all the blowing I've been doing (and it's a lot. Like, I've told some porn stars the number and they erected a shrine. [he he... erected]) I would tell you that I also think you were robbed because your blog is much funnier than my blog. And I'm not saying this in a "oh Karla didn't make the cut, I should be gracious to her" way, I mean this in a "every day I read Karla's blog and then laugh so hard it makes me wonder how much time I would have to take off of work to fly out there and kill her so I could be funniest" type of way. I have to agree with you and your commenters. The judges are lobotomy cases, and you were robbed.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

After I scrape myself off of the floor from my fit of self-pity and rage that I didn't make the list of finalists, either, I'm going to take your recommendation and go vote.

And I'm good at blowing (so I hear)- I can't believe I didn't think of that!

Used Hack said...

Aw, man! I've been coming here for a couple of weeks. I was planning to add to my links list ... until today.

Now, you're pushing votes somewhere else!

I am outraged! Outraged, I say!




(not at all) :)

I really like your blog. I'm sorry you didn't make the finals.

I'll still put up the link. Rats!

Clinton P. Desveaux said...

I love the South West, Texas rocks, but I like AZ more.

Zen Wizard said...

I don't think the award would have been worth the apparent need to exhange bodily fluids, if that is any consolation..

The Jamoker said...

You would have had my vote. But, I will check out ACW.

And, where was it written that blowjobs were required for blog fame? Had I but known...not that I have any skill in that dept.

DeeJay said...

Well Karla, why don't you tell us how you really feel. hehe Love the blog!!

Amy said...

I thought what you put on "Not That Desperate's" blog today was pretty ridiculous. Especially after you didn't comment again after you were so judgemental. I could tell that it was you. Good try, "Anonymous". I thought you said you weren't taking her off of your blogroll???

Care to comment?

karla said...

Sure, I'll respond. I do not comment anonymously anywhere, period, and did not do so at Sandra's blog. I didn't know until you mentioned it that there was a post on her blog about this situation. I'll go there now and respond to her.

As for deleting her from my blogroll, she was never there in the first place. That was an oversight on my part, and I've added her since.

amy said...

Karla - I am so sorry for the comment I left on your blog. I jumped the gun... I was trying to stick up for my socially conscious friend, and thought you were the Anonymous trouble maker.

Talk about Blog Drama!!

PS - I do love to read your blog.

karla said...

No harm done. I'm very protective of my friends, too. (The ones who aren't in prison or rehab.)

Writer Mom said...

Feeling guilty now for my jealousy.

However...You have won the Life in the Pumpkin Shell best of blog award for making the most people pee themselves from laughter.
Congratulations!
(damnit. must excuse myself. need new undies)
I have to go work on the button now in Photoshop.
May take a few days...but you earned it, Missy!

ducklet said...

oh, you got screwed. next time you wanna get screwed, stay away from those awards. just call me.

wait, that sounded worse than i intended...

well, a little

zazzafooky said...

I was pretty peaved not to see you there but hell... life isn't always just ;-)

CoolChic said...

Well that just sucks for you and Hizzle!!

Booooo!

Good luck next year :o)

Masked Mom said...

At least you're not bitter.

C. said...

robbed I tell you... You were robbed! :)

C.

melissa.in.london said...

Well, that stinks. You deserved it.

They wouldn't know funny if it slapped them in the face. So there.

at the Lake said...

you shoulda won Karla!