The weirdos have been out again, surfing the internet for sad and strange things. Which always seems to land them here, on my site.
To the person who found my site by searching for lessons i've learned in the movie riding in cars with boys: I didn't see this movie, so maybe I'm way off base here, but I bet the only lesson to be learned from this movie is this: Avoid any movie starring Drew Barrymore like it's the goddamn plague. There's nothing more irritating than watching someone put on a fake lisp for two solid hours. And when did a lisp become something to pretend to have? People who legitimately have a lisp should be indignant about this. They probably spend all their time trying to make it look like they don't have one, and this horrible actress pretends she does have one.
To the pervert searching for chloroforming girls: It really is a shame how little useful information there is on the internet on how to successfully chloroform a girl. We all know it has something to do with a rag and a suspicious-looking bottle, but the details are important, and hard to find. Like, how do you do it without accidentally chloroforming yourself? And isn't this kind of a stinky, and therefore unstealthy, crime to commit? We all know there's got to be answers out there to these important questions, but where, where, where? Unfortunately for you, Mr. Predator, not here. You'll have to figure out the details on chloroforming girls the old-fashioned way: By trial and error. That's how our grandfathers did it, and their grandfathers, and their grandfathers' grandfathers.
And to the person looking up where is karla now: How exciting! Someone is looking for me! Hopefully it's not the chap who was looking up how to cholorform girls. Knowing my luck, it's probably the IRS or the free clinic. If it's the IRS: I didn't declare any wages that year because all my income came from illegal activity. If it's the free clinic: I got it from him, he didn't get it from me.
To the person who found me by searching for accidentally sit in urine on a public toilet seat: I understand why your search led you here, since I wrote extensively, one angry day, on the subject. But still, I think it's sad--I picture you, poor soul, wet-bottomed and angry, banging away at the keyboard of your computer looking for advice on how to remedy your unfortunate situation. As many times as I've haplessly sat in a stranger's pee in a public restroom, I never thought to get on the internet afterward and search for advice. I have an answer for you, though, my soggy friend: Go dry your butt off.
To the person looking for pregnant farm slut: I'm not sure why you think I'm the person you want. I did live on a farm for about four years as a kid--and I have been pregnant once in the recent past--but these two events did not happen even close to the same time. And as for the slut accusation, well, I won't even dignify that with a response. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some strangers to sleep with.